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Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up..

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The past couple of weeks have been hard for me, there are some things going on in my life in addition to the comfort issue that I am experiencing right now, meaning that I am comfy with myself and to get myself back on track I did something that had not occurred to me to try. This morning I started reading my own blog from day one, I figured that I get so many emails and comments stating that something I had written inspired someone else to either start their own journey of weight loss or I have kept them going when the stand off with the triple chocolate fudge cake was not looking favorable that maybe I could take some of that for myself. I read through some of my older posts and started feeling the way that I felt when I wrote them, what I mean is that I can remember where I was and how I felt when each post was written and I know that I am starting to sound like a broken record at this point and I have been the worlds worse blogger lately but I am back.

Remembering taking my walks with my daughter and the fact that it took me 20 minutes to walk roughly 1/3 of a mile and feeling that that was an accomplishment made me realize how far I have come in this whole thing. Reading about how I rode my stationary bike for 15 minutes and remembering just how tired I was after that fifteen minutes of movement knowing that I now walk 2 miles in just about 27 minutes and don't have to stop there because of pain means a lot to me. I read the posts from back then and can recall thinking that I would never get to 100 pounds lost on my own but knowing that I had to try so I kept going no matter what and how I felt at 500 plus pounds compared to right now and I KNOW that I have to keep going until I get where I need to, want to get where my health comes into play.

On Jan 06 2008 I wrote in a post "I do know that I cannot give up until I drop this weight and look forward to learning as much as I can to do that, obviously I failed Diet 101 thus far in my life." I believe that I have graduated from the "Diet" series of health class and have gained a ton of knowledge in the past almost two years while making my life and health a completely different thing than when that post was written. I believe that I have given myself and my family years of having me around with what I have done so far, but I am not done. I have so much more that I want to do with myself physically just to prove to myself that I can do it as well as show my kids that they can do whatever they put their minds to, so I have to keep this better health thang moving in a direction that promotes all of that.

There is stress in my life currently and I could blame that for my lack of effort lately but that would be a cop out and I won't do that. The bottom line is that I know what I need to do, I know that I have the willpower to do it, and stress or no stress its what I am going to do. This weight loss game is a life long decision, its something that will have to stay in place come rain or shine and honestly I have not fallen too far off of the wagon I have just stopped trying so hard, lets call it a pause. My lowest weight to date was 330 pounds and that weight was reached on August 14th 2009 and last Friday I was 9 pounds above that so I am sort of maintaining roughly 10 pounds above my low weight for the last almost seven weeks.

Maintaining at 340 pounds is not what I meant when I said "I do know that I cannot give up until I drop this weight" only six days into my lifestyle change so I must, how do I say? keep on keepin on until I get where I aimed for. I can't say that I have been very "inspiring" lately where weight loss is concerned but I can still say that I have lost a substantial amount of weight and hopefully added time to my life. I will not allow myself to keep going at a maintaining pace when I still weigh as much as I do, I cannot let that happen and I believe that it is happening because this is the weight that I have lived most of my life at. Once I reached adulthood I settled around this weight until I was injured in 2000 and then I blew up to my 500 plus pound self so this just feels right to me. Its time to blow past a boundary that I have never been past and get below 300 pounds, below 275 pounds, below 250 pounds? to be found out I suppose but to stop now would make zero sense at all, especially given the amount of success I have had thus far.

From the worlds worse blogger to you that's where I am today, will I get below 300 pounds? no doubt and I invite you to watch me do it.

I am back and I have to say that Zeusmeatball fella has inspired me to get my $hit together once again, who wouldda thunk?

As Ever
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Glad to hear you taking a look at this. I know that I have gotten comfortable where I am at too. I need to find that motivation as well.

    Let me know if you need to talk about anything.

    3095 days ago
    Keep on keepin' on!!

    3096 days ago
  • BIGGIRL2082010
    Great idea to go back and read your own blogs - I'm so glad they provided the necessary kick-in-the-pants! :) NONE of us has achieved the kind of loss you have, so I'm glad you read the blog you NEEDED to read, that of a 500+ man who, by sheer hard work and stick-to-it-iveness, has dropped 200 of those pounds. Yes, 10 pounds is a drop in the 200-pound bucket. But it's a 5% drop. :) Not that big, not that insignificant. And you're right to get back on that wagon ASAP - and get that bucket sloshing again! You're close, you're happy, now get GOING! :)

    Ya. We love ya. :)


    3096 days ago
    Gee, who would have thougt you were mortal after all?
    I can SO relate to where you've been...once again your struggle hit a chord and I know I need to push myself forward again.
    I'll be here when you get where you're going!
    3096 days ago
    Hey I'm joining you in a similar effort...have been oh-too-comfy with my weight loss thus far and plateaued for over a year. Finally I've been so *MOVED* by others here at SparkPeople to get up off my duff and ramp up my efforts...just as you're planning to break through to the 200's, I'm planning to break through to ONEderland by the New Year...!

    Let's keep up the efforts and see this thing through!

    We can DO IT!!

    3096 days ago
  • GIANT123
    Thank you for that I now know we are human and we make mistakes. Whatever u do Botzzz don't give up. You are an inspiration to me to keep going on this Battle of the Bulge. THANK YOU for being honest.
    3096 days ago
    You know that is the reason I blog. It is not so that everyone can read how much I have done but for me to remember how far I have come. From time to time I do the same thing I go back and read it can be very inspiring.

    Good for you on the new/old attitude I know you can make it
    3096 days ago
    yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon
    3096 days ago
    Yes! I really understand the being comfortable at a certain weight because we've spent a great deal of time at that weight ... I'm there right now. I'm about 10 pounds up from a low, and I've kind of envisioned is as a trampoline: every time I get too far down, I bounce back up to this comfort-weight.

    I'll fight the fight with you! (Good idea to go back and read past blogs, too -- think I'll take that tip from you, too!)

    Here's to us.
    3096 days ago
    I'm happy you are blogging again. Good for you to find inspiration in yourself. You can do this!
    3096 days ago
    Great to have you blogging - and I love blogging for JUST this reason - we're able to go back and re-read and put us back in _that_ frame of mind. Congratulations on keeping on with it despite stress. Your body recognizes this weight as "normal" and wants to stay. Just keep at it, and you WILL get past it.
    3096 days ago
    YOU WILL DO THIS. The thing about stress is that there is always stress. Sometimes it gets lighter, sometimes it gets heavier, the causes change, but I don't think anyone lives a stress free life. Really. Some may seem to have it easier than we do, but then again everyone has different tolerances that allow them to handle (or NOT handle) certain things. We must find ways to deal with the stressors in our lives -- especially if it's a particular stressor that is not going away any time soon, you know what I mean? And then when things get heavy we push a little less maybe, but we're still going along (maybe kinda like you have been lately) and when they lighten up, we reapply pressure. You're definitely not a failure because you're still working this. :) YOU ROCK.
    3096 days ago
    bout dang time kiddo emoticon
    ready when you are for a run
    3096 days ago
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