Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Here we go again. Almost 2 months since I baled off the bandwagon.
I can't pinpoint an exact reason why.
Financially we were in hell...but we were there in June/July too and I was rocking!
Kids were getting restless and fighting...but they're kids. They do that ALWAYS!
I know my swimsuit pics did a number on my psyche (I was really upset to look like that after 100 lbs. I know better than 100 lbs ago but it still did a number).
Life was busy and very social but hey, that's life.
I don't know why I collapsed but I did. I went through a mini depression almost and I am NOT a depressive person but I just...fell.
With each passing day that I didn't get time to exercise or ate the wrong thing I felt more self dread and drifted farther and farther away.
And for some strange reason, instead of being motivated by my amazing 8 week challenge friends I found myself jealous of them and guilty for letting them down which drew me farther away.
With each day away I got more embarrassed and afraid to show my face again.
No part of me during the last 2 months has been logical. Why would I let myself self-sabotage after losing 100 lbs?? Why would I go back?
I haven't weighed myself since August and I think I will avoid the scale for another week.
I have been back to the gym for a week and a half now but only today did I commit to my eating as well. I would go to the gym then stop for a latte on the way home or have a bag of chips for lunch (or half a tube of pillsbury cookie dough that I ate yesterday).
Again. Not logical.
BUT! Fincances continue to suck, kids continue to fight and I continue to have a social life but I am NOT going to be 300 lbs again and I need to stop the pattern now.
Thank you to all who have been trying to draw me back. I do love you all.
I am back.