So I'm back. I have been away for quite some time. My SparkFeed said my status had not been updated for 47 days but even before that I was struggling to stay on the wagon and frankly most of the time I was just running after it. So for about two months I've been eating whatever whenever, not drinking my water, skipping a lot of salsa and consequently gained a bit of weight and lost a bit of fitness.

Judging by past experience right now I should be beating myself up and whining about how bad I feel in my clothes. But it's not happening. Well, there was a bit of it at some point but when I logged on yesterday and I read my previous blog entry about 'Phenomenal Woman' I realized how far I've actually come without even feeling it. When I was writing that on July 17th I did not feel like the poems words could be mine despite the amazing 40lb I had dropped from my highest weight. Since than the scale has gone more than 10lb back, I had to widen my belt by a hole, I've started struggling for air after I climb a storey fast and I feel great. I feel I am a 'phenomenal woman'.

I know it sounds absurd but it's a fact of life. No matter how enthusiastic and motivated I may be about turning my diet and fitness plans into a lifestyle it's not and easy task. After all I've been developing my bad habits for more more than 20 years. I cannot expect to wipe them out in a few months. It takes time and it takes effort. A lot of effort. So much effort that two months ago I was at the verge of a burn out.

And then I burned out. I gave everything up for a while and as a result I'm returning with recharged batteries, renewed motivation and the comforting realization that while this is going to be a struggle, probably even all the way and for life, it's still not all that hard. My body cannot tolerate random eating anymore - I get sugar hangovers, heartburn and sometimes even gastric pain. I need to eat regularly and I need to eat the right stuff. And I need my salsa classes to boost up my mood so I will always have this little (or not so little) bit of fitness sneaking into my program.

All in all, whatever I may do and however much I may laps I'm still going to come back to doing the right stuff. As long as I do that I will be in game and that's all that matters.