Stasis - or - Being Stuck
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I was cleaning the tops of my classroom glue bottles this morning - kids forget to screw the top on tight, the glue dries and gets stuck - and I realized that's kind of how I feel. Stuck. Static. Not moving. Not getting worse, but not getting better, either. Plateaued.
I was in a car accident this summer, my taxi was rear-ended by another taxi. So now I'm dealing with residual whiplash - which is a very real condition, I'm finding out. And all the upper back/shoulder/neck issues are exacerbating my already problematic lower back. Making intense cardio impossible. And, some days, making plain old walking difficult.
I try to look at the bright side - at least I'm not gaining weight - and I can get around - and live relatively normally - I'm not in a cast or brace or any of the things I've been in for a variety of injuries.
But I'm also not back to normal. I'm not ready for work on the mural, where I'm up on a ladder cementing on tiles above my head, or scraping excess concrete. My neck and shoulders and shoulder blades just feel tired (when they aren't in pain).
So I'm stuck. Like a glue bottle, with all that glue ready to come out - I'm stuck with all this energy and enthusiasm and ideas, and I just can't quite get the top open to let everything come out.
I wish I could just take some hot water and a paperclip and open things up, the way I do with a glue bottle. But bones and soft tissue don't quite work that way. Especially when they're 55 yrs old.