depressed- or- just normal??

Monday, September 21, 2009

so, i was reading someone's activity feed, and all it said, is i'm happy today

that really threw me for a loop

for those that haven't been following my saga here, last spring, i finally decided to try the magic anti-depressants-- no special reason, i do believe, i've always been depressed, i don't know if i've ever really been happy......but, i guess, what the hey does that mean??

so anyways, it's almost scary how easy i got the pills from my doctor

and i was excited, figured these would fix me.......a happy pill, sweet!!

so, no happy tho.......the only thing i'll give them credit for, i was calm, actually, pretty darn apathetic, so, for a while, i thought that was kind of cool, no losing my temper, no getting disgusted with stuff, just, going along........

and, i hate to say it, but, i suspect, others LOVED me!! let them do what they want, i didn't care, wasn't gonna fight, etc

uummmmmmmm, NO EXCUSES-- but, i suspect that is also behind my lack of interest, lack of caring, about weight-- i honestly have not gotten on the scale in 9 weeks? and, i know i'm up-- a lot......but, worse part is, i didn't really care

so, i'm off of them, was a lil scared to do it, i sure have read the warnings about going off-- suicidal, crazy thoughts, etc......but i weaned myself off, and i didn't have any of that crazy stuff

wow-- can i tell the difference!! i'm loving it, but i can tell you, others aren't.....i've had words with people, said stuff i usually only think, but, you know what, i don't care! no more lying truly is not me!

i'll have to do a blog on that scale number tomorrow.........truly seeing the reality-- i doubt that'll make me happy, but........i am happier being "real"

i'll make my own own way.......

and, THIS makes me happy.........

( i was gonna add youtube link again, but, it's in my last blog.......)

and, i'm thinking it's time for a makeover on my sparkpage

new starts........think i should keep my name tho

so.............move it, move it.............. emoticon
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I had to find out what day 3 was.

    I've been a holistic (certified, professional, established) healer with a family practice that shares patients with MD's, psychologists and, yes, veterinarians. I can't tell you the number of women, in particular, who are unnecessarily on anti-depressants (without even a blink from their doctors). For most (with exception, of course, but few), they numb people off so that what is intolerable can be felt as indifference.

    Look at the response your wisdom and courage elicited! I was on anti-depressants for one week when I was in my early 20's. Situation: Married to an alcoholic, working for a bully, receiving love from pets, no community, certainly no two-way friendships. They "worked" - which means, they didn't, because we know most drugs take a month or so to take effect. What "worked" were the few visits with a kind psychologist, someone who listened and validated my intuition.

    Now that you've removed one set of blinders, I'd bet my SparkPage that your weight will follow.

    Besides, Khloe needs ALL of her Sparklin' Grandma!

    Go, woman! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3069 days ago
  • SASSY_QUEEN alike we are.....I have been on the meds too. and frankly...I dind't like who they made me become. I am what I am. Why do I have to fit into the mold of what others think is "normal". If i wanna be pissed off....I get pissed off. If i wanna be happy (which you know I always strive to be), I am happy. But most of all......if i wanna be depressed......i let myself be....for a day or so.......and then try to move on. There isn;'t any magic. But I will say..that when I begin the day by telling myself that I will eat healthy, I will exercise and I will be least 75% of the time....I can talk myself into far as I am concerned that is way better than being on a pill 100 % of the you...jojo
    3070 days ago
    Hey girlfriend......glad you are making your happiness..whatever that means for YOU! Some days I am not all that happy, but I find talking out loud to myself....saying nice things to me...we deserve kind words to ourselves.....can make me feel happy, and doing for others is a big motivator for me too....even just smiling at a stranger in the grocery store.

    Hugs and blessings,

    Barbara emoticon
    3072 days ago
    I like your new look. I am also pleased that you came off the antidepressants. They are OK in their place, but as you say they are prescribed too easily. When my husband passed, doctor wanted to put me on them. I refused and went to a grievance counsellor instead.
    You have got to be yourself! God gave us the characters and personalities we have for some reason. Unfortunately there are too many drugs on the market that change these traits!
    Well done, and I am sure your friends and family are glad to have the old you back!
    3072 days ago
  • POOH_BEAR_69
    I'm glad you were careful and able to get yourself off of the meds successfully. Continue to take care of yourself. I think I would feel the same way. I can see how some people would be happy to be apathetic. Even they were suffering from emotionally distress, it might be a relief, but it wouldn't be worth it for me. I wouldn't be happy not feeling the lows if it meant that I couldn't feel the highs...
    3072 days ago
    Confessional Day part 2

    Long ago i suffered "Baby Blues" Being a single mom was hard on me. I saw a "shrink" and was put on valiums and anti depressents. I felt a lot like you. Nothing could make me ahppy. Soon anxiety set in and another pill. If there was a pill for it I ahd it. I didn't like the feelings I was feeling. It was not a natural. I weened myself off the pills and am doing much better today than i ever was. the best you can do, Jewells is be yourself and not worry aobut making everyone ahppy.

    You are a new Grandma you should be gloating aobut that baby.

    Change your name? Ha! if you relaly have to how aobut Spookysnana?
    That is so you...
    Other than that You keep your name missy! Like marsha said it's so you.
    3072 days ago
    I wish you much luck tomorrow with your weigh in. Sounds like you have been going thru a bit of drama...glad you are in a good place right now!!

    Also -- thank you so much for the goodie! Being married is very nice!!

    3072 days ago
    I went through a horrible time 2 years ago and was a nervous wreck. I asked my doctor for xanax and instead he put me on every anytidepressant known to science. I told him I wasn't depressed, just suffered from anxiety but he told me these drugs treat both. One of them MADE me depressed, I got out of the shower one day and cried into my towel for no reason at all. Another gave me such an allergic reaction I wound up in the ER. Yet another made me lethargic. I barely got off the couch for four whole days. So, I went to doctor after doctor until I got the anti anxiety medication that I needed and after the episode passed a year later, I weaned off of them. My point being that not everyone reacts well to anti depressants so GOOD FOR YOU!!! for getting yourself off of them. My niece, on the other hand, tolerates them well and they have done her a world of good. if you are not getting a benefit from them, then don't take them. You know your body.
    3072 days ago
    I haven't been on antidepressants, but my mom was for awhile and said the exact same thing, she wasn't really happy on them, she wasn't really anything! She said she just felt BLAH all the time, no real emotion either way. Needless to say, she didn't stay on them for very long. And yes, she was a bit "easier" to live with when she was on them, but she wasn't "her", so I'll take the real person over the medicated one, and if your friends/family truly care about you, they will too!!!!! Oh, and I'll add my vote, keep the name!!!!!!!!!
    3072 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I really like the look of your Spark Page. I actually have been on anti depressants for a year and a half. I have no problems with mine but definitely needed them for my depression/anxiety issues. Hey, don't change your name. It's a great one. You have so many friends on Spark People (as I am sure you do in 'real' life)....we just keep cheering you on. hugs!!
    3072 days ago
    WE are a lot alike these days..... I've been feeling the same way.... sort of don't care what others think anymore. I'm tired of "being the better person" as is expected of me.... have done enough of that and tired of it! Everyone feels like they can walk on me, but I should just curl up and take it..... why??? I don't know why.... just that everyone says "she's the nice one"... well... inside.... I feel like I'm the one that everyone can kick around. I don't want to be that person anymore. I think things go hand in hand.... unhappiness with our weight, unhappiness with stuff in our life.....

    .... good for you for making a change! Nothing should matter if we aren't happy. Be who you want to be and that is all that matters. People who don't like it.... don't have to. emoticon

    Seems sort of fitting to me.... tomorrow is the first day of fall..... a new season.... time for a change.
    Wishing you much happiness with your changes. emoticon

    3072 days ago
    If others aren't happy because you speak your mind, well, that's their problem. We need more spirited women like you around.

    I vote with Kit: you must keep your name! It's so YOU!!!
    3072 days ago
    My Oh My I think we must be triplets. Same same for a few years then weaned myself off of them. The doc now wanted to give me some so I can sleep.. Noooooo Thank You.
    Keep the name.. that is who you are... SparklinJewells in the sea of friendship and SP.
    Love the blog and love the new page.
    You are an inspiration..
    3072 days ago
  • BETRME100
    My gosh, we really are sisters!! I took anti depressants for a couple years, like you I didn't really feel "happy" while on them...just felt kind of floaty...after I went off them I actually felt better and really am feeling some contentment in my life now...still not the perfect life...not the life of my dreams (whatever that might be)...but real life is better for me than a life lived around the edges.

    And you absolutely have to keep your name...are you kidding me?!
    3072 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.