I was lying to myself
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I finally realized that for years I have been lying to myself. When I was younger I was always such a social person. I was always the first one up for anything! I would go out at the drop of a hat and loved to socialize. I now work in an industry that is very social. I have to talk to people all day long and make sure people are having a good time. I have always said that since working there, I don't really like people any more and when I get home, I don't want to talk to anyone, or go out and socialize, I just want to read or watch TV (and usually with a bag of chips and a diet pop or a beer).
I now realize that this was all a lie. I made up this excuse because I was heavy. I didn't want people that we grew up with to see me. I was lazy with all the extra weight, and too lazy to get dressed up. When I did get dressed up, I looked fat, no matter how hard I tried to dress in order not to, I still looked swollen and fat, there was no hiding it.
I am starting to get back to the real me, the social me, the happy me. The me, that wants to go out, talk to people, get dressed up and actually look OK, not puffed up and fat!
I feel like I am just waking up after so many years of being in a fog, and I darn well am not going to walk back into that fog and be a vegetable any more.
No more sitting on the couch! No more turning down invitations from friends, because I am too tired (what a stupid excuse)! I am not too tired, I am full of energy, I can do anything!! I am going to start to live life!!
Thanks you SP friends!