Thursday, September 17, 2009
Today I brought some fall flowers to the cemetery and placed it on the shepards hook by my parents' headstone. I had off of work today, and my daughter was in school. This was a nice day to sit and reflect a little. Usually, I stay for a few minutes and rush off to some destination I have to be. But today, there was no where else I wanted to be or had to be, just there visiting for a bit.
I had a nice talk about the crossroads I seem to be at at this point of my life. How I'm simply spinning around and around without moving forward or backward. How I find it difficult to make a "leap" in any direction. I realized that by thinking and calculating and planning pros vs. cons, etc it actually is stalling. So I need to proceed. My mind isn't making the decision, it keeps me spinning. I realized whichever direction I go at this crossroad will have to be based on what I feel, not what I know, not what I think, but what I feel. As I came out of the cemetery, going past headstone after headstone I came across a beautiful small bouquet of flowers. The bouquet was placed where the dirt was still showing, but there was no headstone. As I looked closer at the bouquet, there was an unopened can of Sharp's beer at the back of the bouquet.
I looked at the bouquet and tried to understand. Many things went through my head like "do you actually think they'll come back and drink it?" "do you know kids could come up here and drink it"--BUT when my head quieted, and I simply looked at it for what it was, and felt it--I believe it was someone's last farewell, probably the last drink together between friends. A farewell toast while one stayed and finished his/her beer, the other looked fondly back as he/she went past the crossroad and moved forward.