Again today...no answers. Just more questions. I went grocery shopping for Ryan so that he could have all of the tools available to succeed at becoming healthier. So why is it so much easier to help him than it is to help myself? The new season of the Biggest Loser started last night. I watched, I cried, and I ate. I ate dinner watching the show because I had a PTA meeting that ran late. There I sat with 2 grilled chicken breasts and a ton of whole wheat pasta salad laden with mayo. What the F is wrong with me? I couldn't be happy with just grilled chicken and whole wheat pasta. I had to add the mayo. I couldn't be happy with one chicken breast and one serving of pasta. This is how eating has been going every day. I can't stop. The worse for me the better. Why? I don't think I want to die. At least I don't feel like ending it all so why am I killing myself with food? And that is exactly what I am doing. It is getting harder and harder for me to get around. This aches and that hurts. So many reasons to make a change. What's the problem? Today I have not eaten badly. I ate breakfast with Ryan. went shopping, and had a Lean Cuisine for lunch. We'll see.