Saturday, September 12, 2009
Today was a tough day... I spent most of it sitting in front of my window looking outside. I wanted to go out, but I didn't want to see anyone. I was thinking too much, about life in general; got me feeling pretty low. Although I'm losing at a normal rate (1.5-3 lbs a week), I still feel like I'm not making any progress. My arms are looking more flabby and my pants are uncomfortably loose so I'm feeling more awkward than anything. I am making healthier choices the large majority of the time. But whenever I make a not-so-healthy choice, although I shrug it off at the moment, I am so down on myself for hours afterwards. I have no idea why I do this! I feel like I have no will power! I don't know what the heck is wrong with me and I would like to know why I can't seem to feel proud of my achievements... why I have to convince myself that I am doing well, even though the numbers on the scale should be enough convincing. I have a great job but I still feel like a failure; every day! I wish it were as simple as bringing myself to a mechanic and just saying "fix me"! But it's not.... Not too sure how to conclude this blog since the concept isn't even complete in my mind. Maybe I'll feel a bit better tomorrow.