Friday, September 11, 2009
Ok. I'm warning u now - this blog is gonna be super long. I have so much to say, so much on my mind.
First off - I'm going crazy right now!!! All I wanna do is EAT! I know I shouldn't. I know I'm not even hungry. It's the way I process my emotions - smother them with food. Not good, I know. So I keep talking to myself (I'm home alone with the two kids - a 2 yrs old and a 2 months old, hubby is in bed asleep), asking myself if I'm really hungry or if there is another issue that's bothering me. Well as a matter of a fact there is. As much as I try to ignore it and let it go it's still in the back of my mind. Here's the ordeal (I wouldn't mind any input or advice on my situation either)
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U may already know that we had a short vacation out of state to AL to see my hubby's family the end of August. It came up suddenly (somewhat planned, mostly not) and I went off my eating healthy. Well I managed to only gain 1 lb if I remember right, no big deal. Well after that was when the issue started to take root. It was around the beginning of the month (Sept) and I was feeling really crampy, tired, usual period symptoms. I had my first period since giving birth (July 1) on August 15th - lasted 7 days, seemed normal. Well I started feeling nauseous every morning and my mom joked around asking if I was pregnant. At first i was like 'nah ur crazy' but then I thought about it. My hubby and I did have sex a few times after we got back from the trip. I'm not on bc yet (dont have health insurance so I have to go thru the health dept - just been busy and havent found the time yet), but we used a condom every time. Now a couple times he didn't have one on from the very start so chances are very slim, but not impossible . . . Well I needed to get money out of our checking account so I bought a home preg test on the 4th and it came out negative. I thought it was too early but it put my mind at ease for a bit. Then the idea started bothering me again when I started taking naps every day, still continued with the nauseousness, and started eating like almost every hour. Now I'm not talking out of worry eating, but physically felt hungry. The last time I ate like that I was preg with my first. So I took another test yesterday and again, negative. Now if my periods are 'back to normal' I'm due to start this Saturday (tomorrow - that would be a 28 day cycle), but being that I just gave birth I don't think I will know when I 'missed' my period, if I do. I bought a 2 pack last time (it was on sale!) so I still have one more preg test. If I don't start by Monday, I'm gonna test again. But this has been what's making me so worried. I wanna know for sure, not just a 'not yet' answer. What do u think? Is it too far fetched? Am I going crazy over nothing???
Second thing on my mind - today is 9-11 right. I wasn't affected greatly by the events 8 yrs ago (meaning I don't have family over there nor did I lose anyone to the tragic events that took place that dreadful day), but I have had this terrible feeling today. My hubby and I were planning on taking my brother, sister, and our lil girl to Sea World tonight, but this feeling is telling me we shouldn't go. I dunno if it's just the stigma I'm feeling from this day or if something devine is really telling me to stay home. Nonetheless, I am choosing to stay home and not ignore that little voice inside me, but the feelings are still quite unsettling.
So yeah, there is my brain - right now - all written out. Any advice about the possible pregnancy issue would be greatly appreciated; Plus advice on how to stop stressing and worrying so much and how to distract myself from wanting to eat everything in the house.