Saturday, September 05, 2009
So I ran into a neighbor today, just as I was finishing my run. I don't see her very often. I've probably talked her 4 times since moving to New Jersey (which was in 2006). She was out walking her dog and just happened to be standing next to the marker post that marked my goal, and end of run. So I stopped running and went over and said Hi. At first she probably thought i was any ol' runner on the trail (in this town, its normal to say Hi or Good Morning to people you pass on the trail), but then realized who I was. It was funny. I assumed that she didn't recognize me because I was red faced and sweaty, but she just said "My God, Theresa, I totally didn't recognize you! You look great! How much weight have you lost?!?"
Now this was a regular occurance about a year ago, but not something thats happened to me recently. Thats why it was such a treat :-). And, even though I've been feeling a little down about gain back a few pounds from my weight low, I was still able to say, "well, I guess about 50 pounds.... sometimes its more like 45 pounds, and sometimes its more like 50, but i guess today, technically its 48 pounds. But really I reached that goal about a year ago, and not much has happened since. I've just been fluctuating around 50." And I listened to my tone. I sortof sounded disappointed in myself. Like I'd reached some ultimate goal of 55 pounds lost, and then I'd somehow failed because now I was *only* at 48 pounds lost. She said "Wow, that's fantastic!" And it was like a little bell went off in my head...
And I thought...
Yeah, girl, that is fantastic. You've been b*tching about gaining back weight, but you've been hovering around the same weight for an *entire* year, and you're still 48 pounds lighter. Why are you making that sound like a BAD thing? Are you actually disappointed in yourself for that?
So here I am, a year later, and somehow, in a bizarre way, finally giving myself credit.
Its sad that we can be so quick to criticize, and quick to downplay our accomplishments and highlight our failures. I think I always knew that about myself, but maybe just realized how often I do it!