Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Its been about three months since my last entry. Since then Ive gone from city girl back to the farm life I ran screaming from so many years ago. Thanx to the love and persieverence of my wonderful brother, Ive gone from a helpless lump on the floor, feeling sorry for herself to a fairly independent woman.The crow of the roosters replace the sound of my alarm in the morning. Walks around the barnyard making sure the potbellied pig hasnt gone to visit the neighbors has replaced my 2 mile jog down the towpath each day. My hairs golden now with platinum streaks in it from the sun. Cant dye it the rocket red it was anymore. Cant keep the bathroom clean from the scarlet stain when it takes you 45 minutes to just clean the everyday mess!!Im really poor now with the disability barely covering my bills and my homeopathic remedies, so I only wear makeup when I " leave the farm". Still my skin looks better than it has in years. Washed in spring water each day, lightly tanned from being in the garden or reading or cutting up veggies to freeze on my stoop.Use castoroil instead of $30 Olay and you can feel the difference-in a GOOD way!Instead of dressing to my glorious Goth nines, I wear loose clothes ,simple, cool, so I can keep moving-a little further,a little straighter each day. And my tan......only in the off hours but man, Im buttery-licious!!
Inside Im still Goth, but with a quiet peace , a newfound spirituality. Ive taken this time to study Native American medicine practice and found that its the closest way to describe the brother I love so much and who has gotten me through these days. His perfect understanding and respect for nature, the living ONLY in the present, the mind/body belief in healing.I am who I am today because of his constant encouragement and "cheerleading".
Ive missed a lot of things this summer. I missed KoRn and Crue Fest. I missed Allentown and Elmwood Festivals. I missed driving to the beach i the daytime and driving to Tops for and N/A beer in the middle of the night.But I gained so much as well. The "society" of chickens and roosters that live outside my door. The half dozen rabbits that live there with them. One black, two grey,two brown and one little white one with black ears! Of course the pig, named Bacon by the people my brother got him from and renamed Macon because "thats just wrong to call him that".The cats and the dogs-try playing catch with a dachshund who wants you to throw her a rock bigger than she is! Got to see them all in a pile, a peacable kingdom, on a lazy afternoon. Rabbit,dog,pig,cat and chickens on top!
Ive been to see "regular" doctors the past few weeks. My ND says she needs help now. The MDs tells me I may walk again, maybe even have a regular life again.But things have changed and I can t go back. Ive been renewed in these 90 days of summer. The life I fought to get away from has been my salvation. No matter what happens Im here for good! Im filled with a peace I never want to lose and I feel like Ill find my purpose here. Besides, if I left , who would keep an eye on the pig?