I'm sitting at my desk at work feeling so uncomfortable. Some pants that I bought last year before I went to Istanbul don't fit anymore. I think I've gained about 30lbs since then. Yowza. Is it expected? Yeah. Like usual and in my usual fashion I stopped doing the things that I needed to do. I started exercising, eating right, then I quit. I got frustrated because it felt like I was being punished. That whole feeling of "this is not fair." Why do I have to struggle like this? Why do I have to watch every morsel that goes into my mouth? Why did I have to get this body? One that deposits fat in certain spots instead of me gaining it all over? Why do I have to be so short torso-ed that fat just accumulates between my elbows and knees? Why do some women larger than me have arms half my size? And on, and on, and on.

You get the picture. Self pity at its best, lol.

So now I'm 41. I don't look it in my face (Thank you, Grandma!) and I certainly don't feel it (Thank you, Grandma, again!). Dammit, it is time I make the outside match the inside. I just have to do it this time. I NEED TO. For my health, for my future. I need this body to hang in there for as long as it can, in the BEST SHAPE that it can be.