Friday, August 28, 2009
Ok. I did my challenge of doing three workout videos with Nicole this week.
Today was Video No. 3. the so-called 12 Minute Pilates Abs Workout. I did two reps of this video, and it took me 30 minutes. I printed out the instructions so I wouldn't get lost like I usually do with her videos.
I begin by keeping up with her on the warm up. Then we do "The Hundred" Hold and Pump Arms 100 times. At the first go round, I have a hard time figuring out her directions about breathing and counting. So I stop, read the instructions and begin again.
I forgot to pause the video. Now I am on the floor, doing these 100 arm things, and don't want to break my stride, so the video continues to run. This gets to be a tiny bit confusing. She is talking and I am counting, but I will not give up my count! NO SIR!! Plus, since I have committed myself to doing these exercises twice, I continue on to counting to 200.
By the time I am finished, she is on to to two moves ahead of me. I read my pages, and go to the Single Leg Stretch, all the while she is talking about the Single Straight Leg Stretch. I still don't stop the video, just keep working out.
I am all messed up with my count and how to do this one while she is showing another one. I am already on the floor; getting down here is not as easy as it sounds, and getting up from here is another workout, so I stay where I am. Nicole keeps moving on, speeding past Double Leg Stretch and straight into Criss Cross. I am back on Single Straight Leg Stretch, I think. I don't know what I am doing. But my abs are beginning to hurt, which is always a good sign of them being worked.
Then I look at the screen and see what she is doing. For some reason, the Hip Lifts seem easier than what I am doing, so I abandon my current whatever-it-is-exercise and go on to the Hip Lift. I am on my side, leaning on my left elbow with right hand on hip, legs stacked uup and my body in a straight line. Now I am supposed to lift my hips up to the ceiling while balancing my weight on my elbow and the side of my left foot. Left FOOT??? Ignorant left foot??? I can't even get my left KNEE off the ground.
I lift what I can, then flop back down. Only to hear her say "Inhale to SLOWLY lower back down to complete one rep". Right. I mean Left. Or maybe I mean Right. Who knows at this point?
I try to lift the hip off the ground, not worrying about the ceiling, and it leaves the floor for a nano-second while I die, then back down it goes. No, not Slowly. Rather with a thud. I repeat this three times. Then I just give up and lift what I can, and do it for two full reps.
I glare at the screen where Ms. Torture is now doing Side Plank with Twist. This is an even harder version of Hip Lifts. She does her version; I do mine. Quite different exercises, but I am MOVING, which should count for something. There's supposed to be a way to thread my right hand underneath the left arm. I don't know how to do that.
And now I have to do the other side. There is no improvement, but I go through the motions....uh, my VERSION of the motions........and she is blissfully blathering away about some other move confirmed to cripple me for life.
Ms. Smarmy shows up. "You are not doing these right, you know". SHUT UP YOU STUPID PRIG BEFORE I BANISH YOU FOREVER. She gets the hint and goes across the room to lean on the wall and silently smirk at me.
Huff, puff, lift, strain, groan, count.........is this thing ever going to end? I grab the sheet and see the next one is the Modified Plank. I can do that one. It says to hold it for 10-30 seconds, so I do it twice to 20 seconds. Ms. Smarmy says "You are compromising, and in this case, compromise is not the most ideal thing to do". But so what! At least I am DOING It, for Pete's Sake! Leave me alone!
Enter Little GoodyTwoShoes. "Oh, I can do THOSE easily! Want to see me do them? Shall I teach you how to do them? You aren't doing them correctly." If I weren't on the floor, I would get up and throw her out the room WITH her smirking buddy, lock the door and throw away the key. I settle for giving her a dirty look and strain harder.
Mind you, I am doing all this without music. Another huge mistake. Nothing to distract me while I agonize. I am experiencing these head on. No mercy.
I go through the Plank, which is not the same as when WALKING THE PLANK in one of those pirate movies (those exercises are much easier than this one is), and end up doing my stretches.
Just to make sure I worked my entire body out, I get out the ball, and do the back stretches, ab roll out and then the wall deep knee bends.
That's enough for one day. Heck. Who am I kidding? That's more exercise in one day than I used to do in a year.
My body needs it's shower and lotion rub down. It has earned it. And tomorrow that damned scale better show less tonnage, or it is going!
There now. I feel better.