Wednesday, August 26, 2009
These past few weeks have been completely exhausting. The second week in August I had a work party at my father's house to try and get ready for the estate sale. I had some fabulous friends come out and help me. It was a very productive day and a lot was accomplished. Everyone just jumped right in and started moving things out to the garage, cleaning, sorting, and disposing. It would have taken me many, many, many hours to do what this team did in such a short period of time. There were 3 sparkfriends there (big shout out to Kelly (happy92003), Felicia (FHamwey) and Jocelyn (wolfkitty). Two other sparks were there Kim and Linda but they are FANTASTIC coworkers of mine who I turned on to spark.
The following day was a Sunday and I purposefully tried to take a break and relax. That was a disaster. I broke down. I cried and cried and moped around the house. My honey didn't really know how to handle it very well (not his strong suit) and it pretty much sucked for everyone.
Anyhow, we got a lot done but there was still tons to do to get ready for the sale. Especially pricing items. LOTS of items. A lot of things I had no idea what their value was. I tried to look up items on the internet but you have no idea how time consuming that can be. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to do all of this with a full time job, a daughter starting school and day to day life to contend with.
On Friday, 8/21, I had a preview sale for the residents at my dad's condo complex. Quite a few people showed up and I sold about 300 dollars worth of stuff. It was great and people were very nice. Most knew my father and I got to talk with some of them about him. It warmed my heart to know that some of the items were going to good homes where my dad could be remembered. One guy named Kirby bought this really beat up leather jacket and later on his GF came back and told me how much he loves his jacket. She said that he feels like he has a piece of Glenn. How nice is that? Kinda makes me sad but happy all at the same time.
On Saturday, we had the estate sale. It was successful and once again I had fantastic friends show up to help support me and the cause. I couldn't have done it without them. It was a good day overall. Most people were cool and didn't try to wheel and deal. I HATE THAT and know it is all part of the deal but things were priced to sell, ya know? I appreciated all the folks that were happy to get a good deal and respected what I was trying to do.
Since the last weekend we were working on dad's house, I realized that Sunday I would have to keep myself busy so I wouldn't fall apart. I decided to run the 4 mile Fire Run from La Jolla to Pacific Beach. It went well and I shaved about 2 minutes off my time from last year! WHOOO HOOOO!!! Then, I had plans to meet my friend Jess to redo the front walkway area of my dad's place. I dug lots of fairly deep holes and I was sweating like crazy. Great for burning calories and using some weak muscles. Then we washed down some of the stucco. That was the best part!!! We got a little bit wet, which cooled us down and the place looks much, much better.
Now, I am afraid I am going to have to have another estate sale to try and sell more stuff. URGH! You ahve no idea how much I really don't want to have to do that. It is overwhelming and exhausting just thinkin about it. Plus, who is going to help me this time? I have had such great support these past few weekends but I can't keep asking the same folks to keep giving up their weekends to help me with all this crap. I wish they all knew how much I appreciate everything they have done for me. I try to convey it but it never seems like enough. There is too much stuff to just pack up and store for the time being. I need more help and I hate every minute of it. I am usually the one helping others.
Sometimes you just come to a point in the road and go "now what?" and I am there. I am overwhelmed, exhausted and feeling slightly defeated. Will I get through this? Yes. Right now it all just SUCKS though. I want to have my own little pitty party and just wallow for awhile. If I thought that would help, I would do it. This might be a small one right here. I hate that this has taken over my life. I hate that any free time is spent thinking about all the stuff that needs to be done. I hate that I haven't been able to focus on eating right and exercising in the way that I want to. I hate the stress I feel. I hate the fact that my dad is gone and there is nothign I can do about it. I hate that I am left to deal with all of this mostly by myself. Even Ty said "I can't wait to get my life back" HIM? HIM? What about ME? He doesn't have to worry about the bills, the lawyers, the real estate agent, the glass guy, the carpet guy, the handyman, the credit card companies, a collection agency, the hospital bills, the ambulance ride bills, the MRI bill, the insurance on 5 - yes, count them 5 vehicles, registration for one of them, the morgage, the homeowners association, homeowners insurance, verizon, cox, sdge, property tax owed in ND, and the list contines. I never feel free from these major burden.
I do have my faith and that gets me through. I know I need to let go and let God. Sometimes, that is easier said then done. I am working on it. Venting about it makes me feel a little bit better but the stress is still there. I know working out will help me deal with the stress more effectively. I will get up in the AM and get my booty to the gym. I will do what I can for today and that is all. I will try to deal with tomorrow when it comes and not before. I DO realize things could be way worse. Really, I do. Sometimes though, that doesn't really make what you are dealing with easier to swallow.
This is tough. There. I said it.