Monday, August 24, 2009
It's 10:00pm. I finished entering my meals in the nutrition tracker and helped my mom do the same. I am a bundle of nerves right now, waiting. At midnight I will be NPO. That is the medical term for nothing to eat or drink. At 2 am I'll take a shower and make sure I have everything I need. By 3 am I'll be waiting for the bus to take me into town. I check into the surgery center by 5:15, and by 7:30, I should be under general anesthesia. Hopefully, when I wake my life will change for the better. I am nervous, worried, and scared. This isn't my first surgery. I had my veins stripped about 3 years ago, and a torn tendon tendon two years ago required another trip under the knife, but this one has me more scared that both of the others combined. They are going to operate on my neck. I have a bulging disc that is pinching a nerve and causing me severe pain and numbness in my left arm. We tried steroids, with no relief. I did get some relief with a narcotic pain killer and a medication for nerve pain, but both make me loopy, so I haven't been able to work. It isn't a matter of if I get the surgery, but when. The problem won't go away by itself, and I have been lucky that it hasn't produced weakness and loss of use to my arm and hand. If I wait, I still wouldn't be working and the damage could get worse. Not only that, I risk it becoming permanent. I know it has to be done, but the thought of them poking around my spine and spinal column has me freaked. I think I could be told I need open heart surgery and handle it better. I know the risks; the doctor explained them to me before I signed the consent form. He also told me the odds of any of the complications, and they are stacked high in my favor. The doctor himself is recommended by nurses who work in the Neurology Medical/Surgical floor at my hospital. (If you want a good doctor, ask nurses.) My rational mind is okay with everything. There is just this small hidden part of me that is hiding in a corner of my mind, babbling hysterically. I slept most of the day, in anticipation of that part of me not letting me get any sleep tonight. So now I'm just waiting. I'll go prep tomorrows dinner, play on the computer for a while, and wait until its time to go.