I will pretend it didn't hurt.
I will not participate.
Placebo
**

**

We both knew what was about to transpire.

It doesn't happen often, that's not my nature. I brought my knees to my chest and closed my eyes. In darkness, I rocked back and forth trying to steady the chaos. During times like these, I am suppose to use my voice. I painstakingly wrote out a list of things to do to prevent this. I am suppose to say no.


I couldn't suppress my footsteps. My walk was steady and my sight was set.

It's happened before and how I wish you would learn to walk away; or at least clear the path.


You pretended it's wasn't happening but I couldn't as I stalked the cupboards. I found my voice. "I need to be left alone."


People aren't people. Words aren't words. Food isn't food anymore.

My senses become mute.

My insides spill out again.

Afterwards, there is no chaos or calm, just emptiness.
**

I am still working on recovery. I mostly restrict. There are very few times that I don't; this was one of them.

Title is from The Mars Volta Lyrics.
With habits that you notice. The dates they change. With each new phrase