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    KATTIEJ90   1,337
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First Blog... Whats crossing my mind...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

i have struggled with weight since i hit puberty. my doctor had never really said to much about it except lose weight. Now im struggling with the fact that i have PCOS. my fiance always tries to get me to talk to him about it but i always have a hard time because it is such a difficult thing for me and i always get emotional.

my weight constantly fluctuates around a 5 to 10 pound area. my grandmother is always the first one to say something and it always hurts more everytime. if i gain a little weight im too fat when i lose some weight i just look sickly. i cant ever win so that is part of my struggle too. i dont know if she realizes how much she hurts me but i dont think she seems to care either. she has always been like that though.

stress definately adds to why i weigh as much as i do. i was born under stressful situations and have grown up in it all. my father was constantly in and out of my life. i was molested as a child so i have no self esteem. in september of '08 my fiance had brain surgery to remove a tumor the size of a baseball (him 3 days after the surgery) and now PCOS. it just really never ends.

i think the most difficult part of this whole thing so that i find it easier to throw my hands up and say i give up. if i do that then i risk never being able to have a baby. sometimes i get to a point where i just dont care. and then i take my beautiful little neice for a weekend and then i get overly hopeful that i can get past this.

so here i go on my long journey...
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUNTIEANNE22 8/20/2009 3:08PM

  I too suffered from undiagnosed PCOS. I even had to have an ovary removed because the cyst was the size of a grapefruit. Two years later, at age 36, I gave birth to my now 22 year old son. I continue to deal with my weight, but I'm finding success in small steps. Don't give up.

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PJOY17 8/20/2009 12:14PM

    Hi ,
BIG HUGS TO YOU!
WTG on starting this journey to better health! Remember this is a journey and not a destination, and each day gives us our challenges to face but when you know tomorrow will be different and you can change your body composition through slow and steady healthy diet and exercise, make the focus your health not your size , not the thin or the fat, but the health of the matter .
WE CAN DO THIS!
pj

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