Totally Frustrated and emotionally spent
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Bear with me through this blog. Earlier today, when I was angry and frustrated, I had every word of this blog in my head. As I drove home and the anger turned into a full blown temper tantrum involving screaming and sobbing...I was left emotionally spent and the words sort of left me. Or the words didn't seem important any more, or my desire to blog went away and my desire to sleep took over. (haven't had a nap yet)
Let me explain.
Today I had my second and last visit with my new rheumatologist. When I moved here almost 2 months ago, I was off the methotrexate due to elevated liver enzymes. My new NP is questioning whether I ever had RA at all, and it seems like my new rheumy doesn't even care if I did or didn't. 3 years ago, I had all the blood work test to support RA...positive factor, positive ccp antibody, positive c reactive protein. Today, they're all negative. ALL. OF. THEM.
Oh...and my DNA test for RA is negative also. While questioning what could have happened to lead us astray in the original diagnosis, my new rheumy sort of blew me off saying that "Something happened to you 2 years ago and now it's gone, it's rare but the RA could just be gone". He didn't want to help solve the puzzle at all. And that didn't sit well with me at all.
I put toxic drugs into my body for 18 months....and it caused drug induced hepatitis...I WANT TO KNOW WHERE WE WENT WRONG!!!!!!!!!
But he had said his statement and I knew he would be no help. I'd just ask my questions to my NP. I was disappointed that he just shrugged it off. He said he didn't need to see me again unless I had a flare up. That is fine with me. When I have another flare up ( if I ever do, who even knows if i had RA) I will be going to another doctor. I walked to my van and burst into tears.
I'm frustrated on multiple levels....I still want answers, but know that I should just be glad that maybe it's over for me. Frankly, I'm too tired and drained to think about it any more.