Friday, July 31, 2009
I took one of the spark people quizs today about what kind of diet personality I have and it said I was a portion distorter. I geuss I can totaly aggree with that because before changing my lifestyle I had a major problem with overeating.... you know you eat and eat and then you get to that full point but the food tastes and looks really good and you gotta clear the whole plate..... then afterwards you end up feeling like a stuffed turkey, your so full you feel like your gonna burst at the seams or just plain throw up. ...... I have to say I went there alot!
I really enjoy food, I geuss you could say Im a foodie.... or at least I would be if I could afford to be. I like really good food and Im not satisfied with average. It makes it kinda hard to eat out because Im never satisfied with anything I get so luckly most of the food I eat is what I cook myself. I geuss that fact makes it easier to make better choices though.
I have to say even though I have gotten better at eating smaller portions (now I use a medium size plate instead of a dinner plate, got some cute ones on sale from IKEA), and I can control myself if I go to a buffet (only getting a small taste of the bad stuff I really like and choosing normal size portions from the foods Ive determinded are heatlhy options) I still struggle with it sometimes. I sometimes just have this urge to keep eating.... knowing while Im doing it, the sensasion of chewing the food and swallowing feels really good even though I know I would feel like crap emotionaly and physically afterwards. I really have to sit myself down and have a serious conversation with myself about how far I have come and how Im not going back just because I wanna sit down with an entire pack of chips ahoy and eat the whole thing..... (chips ahoy dont come into my house ... lol)
You know with some aspects of being fat .... like this type of desire to eat.... its really like an addiction. I have to say my obsession with eating has to be the closest I have come to being addicted to anything (other than world of warcraft quite a few months ago, I swear I could have quit at any time though... lol). I think it will always be a mental battle to keep my weight in check even after I manage to get to a healthy weight. I geuss thats soemthing Im just going to have to deal with.
I was really good though the last few days. I wanted soemthing sweet yesterday, I wanted something really good... really bad! So I went to target and they had the bulk candy bins there, the kind with the bags and the scoop ... the kind that cost 8 bucks a pound! yikes.
Me and Andrew got for each of us, 1 malted milk ball, 1 chocolate covered raisin, 1 french burnt peanut candy, and 1 jordan almond. We had it on a little dish with dinner and it was only like a point for it and it satisfied me. I have found that if I can eat a square of chocolate now and be good, it actually tastes better than eating a whole bag..... that second bite is never as good as the first. Its not the same as the feeling you get from eating all that but its a better feeling and you feel good afterwards, ....... strong.........in control.........healthy.......
. happy. :-)
Its hard but its worth it.