Friday, July 31, 2009
Its weird and I don't know if I can explain this quite right. Its kind of like the glass being half empty or half full, but its even a step beyond that, as in to stop lying to one's self.
Some of us have been depressed and powerless for so long... that we have become comfortable in our discomfort. We can look at a glass thats actually three-fifths full, and yet without even thinking, SEE it as half empty. We feel defective, as failures, as victims against the world forever destined to feel pain with piles of obstacles before us, obsessively dwelling on the negative working ourselves up into a stressful frenzy and constantly sabotaging our own efforts...
Why would anybody do such a thing, especially to themselves?
To maintain our clinical sanity and to be on the same page as the rest of the world, is to have what we believe, and what really is, as the same single reality. When we see ourselves as winners, we in turn automatically strive to keep that status quo. So when we strongly believe ourselves as failures, we inadvertently make that happen too.
If and when we do have some longer term success, we are not ~automatically~ given to feel pride or a sense of accomplishment... but rather ~mindless~ 'discomfort,' and stress, ending up bingeing for no apparent reason or unconsciously ceasing in our efforts due to being outside of our comfort zone and internal beliefs and fearing the unknown. But is that need for caution and fear the truth? NO, fear is derived from our imaginations, F. false E. evidence A. appearing R. real.
But that is NOT to say that we are eternally DOOMED to self sabotage no matter our efforts and forever frozen by fear. WE HAVE THE CHOICE.
You see, our Conscious mind controls our perceptions, it makes associations, and our evaluations of everything in our focus... mostly with the very words of our self-talk, our internal conversation with our own selves, and THAT is completely within our active control.
Then THOSE perceptions are stored in the subconscious as our truths about our world, our life, and ourselves, and our relationships there in.
So if we see ourselves as failures, that is because we have actively said so to ourselves enough times for the sum of those thoughts to equal our truth, regardless if it IS the truth or not. As human beings we behave and act not in accordance with the truth, but in the truth as we see it.
Most times we tend to discount our successes as no big deal or expected. Maybe we were raised not to brag or be poor winners. Perhaps lacking a proper example of how not to be a poor loser either. We often discount our many accomplishments as not as good as what we expected, and even count improvement and valid achievement on the side of failure because it was just short of the target. Is that the truth? No, we actually accomplished a great deal of progress that went completely overlooked and never made it to weigh in on the subconscious mind.
We need to give ourselves a break and lighten up. Stop the internal self talk from being so negative and unrealistically strict. We need to pile up some praise and count the bitty steps in progress... enough to over turn the sum of our dishonest past perceptions and make an impact on our comfort zone and increase our range for success.
Change what you believe to be true about yourself on the inside and your behaviors have no choice but to change on the outside as well. That works both ways, change your behaviors enough on the outside and your internal beliefs will have no choice but to be changed.
You must ALIGN your habits, attitudes, and expectations to be reasonable, believable, and achievable. We must take credit for the things we do right and use our positive self talk in those areas we want to develop. Rejecting negative talk from our selves and others is VERY important. We find that as our self image grows inside, our performance follows and our comfort in the things we WANT is increased and the comfort in discomfort is left behind in the past. We begin to feel and act deserving again and take an active role in the direction of our lives.
The first step is to correct the negative wording and self depreciation of our self talk into responsible, factual, and more positive and empowering ways. Honesty is Empowering.