This is HARD!
Monday, July 20, 2009
The stress has been sort of intoxicating. I forgot where I was, and how this stuff was affecting me, and what I was doing... So the past two weeks have just been awful. I haven't had any food in the house, so it was *gasp* a lot of fast food and bad decisions, and just wanting to eat whatever was easy to keep myself from passing out. I wish there were healthy options available at a drive-thru, stuff that's easy to eat while driving, on the run. The problem is, eating like crap is just so EASY to do...
And then I get home from work at night, and I'm beat, and I have to take care of the puppy and the cat and all I want to do is veg out and not think about anything. There's just too much stress, and it's eating me alive.
But yesterday... while it wasn't fantastic, it wasn't horrible either. I did go grocery shopping this weekend, so I do have some food in the house and can at least make myself a salad or a poached egg or a sandwich, and have some cereal for breakfast before I go to work. Admittedly, I don't have enough produce, but that can be something to do this week. Argh... I just can't even think straight.
But I walked yesterday! I walked Lalo for about a half mile. Which was tough. I wore probably the best shoes that I own, which is sadly a pair of Reef flip flops (they are really comfortable), and I wasn't feeling achey or sore, like sometimes my hips get sore if I walk too far in my Danskos, or if I'm walking and carrying something with my Danskos. But the real reason it was hard was that Lalo isn't terribly good on a leash yet, and he wants to stop and sniff the hell out of everything. So you can't stand to walk with him for very far because it's just frustrating. So while I wasn't hurting at the end of it, I was sweating, which surprised me. It made me realize how, a year ago, even though I was still fat, I was in pretty good shape. I did a lot of walking. I didn't have a car. I lived on the third floor of a building that didn't have an elevator. I walked three blocks to and from the train every day, and then ran up all those steps to get to the train platform. Walking just over a half mile before would never have been enough to make me sweat. It just really made me realize how much I've let myself go in the past year.
So that little walk needs to turn into a daily thing. I can't allow myself to not do it. That's embarrassing!