Why am I so destructive towards myself? DO I need rehab?
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Ok today I got up really early for me, I usually get up around 8 and start my day I work 2 jobs and I usually don't get home until after 2:00am on Saturday morning. This day started with a trip to the gym with my co-worker. I got up at 6:30am and met her at the gym at 7:15ish. I worked my butt off on the elliptical only doing 25 minutes total but I set the resistance at 12 out of 20. I really pushed myself. I did my weight training for 40 minutes and did a little tanning session. NONE of this was bad in the least bit.
THEN I had to go to the eye doctor to get a check up on my new contact prescription. I was starving because I did not eat when I got up as I was running a bit late. SO, before I went to the eye doctor I went and bought some things I needed for my house. I was strong and did not buy anything to snack on before the 5 minute doctor's visit. OK I am getting to the bad part now. I went to Micky D's, aka the crack house for fat people, and got a 700 calorie steak egg and cheese bagel, and a 200 calorie sweet tea, and I could not find the "nutritional" information on the hash brown. In other words, I totally BLEW off all the good work I had done this morning. When I ordered my food the lady asked if I wanted any cinnamon buns and I told her if she would see the size of my rear then she wouldn't ask me that question. I made her laugh but afterwards and AFTER I ate the bad food. I can't help but to think that food IS a drug and I am addicted to it.
Don't get me wrong I LOVE to eat.... I feel like I have something wrong with me... Am I broken? Do I need fixing?
It is not like I just like bad food either. I just like food... I am addicted. I have got to find a balance so the "crack" feeling goes away...