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When will I ever learn?

Thursday, July 09, 2009

My older brother, Wayne, will turn 70 this year. After our mother's 90th birthday last year it occurred to me that he is the only of her 5 children who has never hosted her birthday. So I told him a year in advance that it was his turn. I suggested he reserve a shelter in a park or make dinner reservations. Not beyond his ability.
After repeated inquiries as to how things were going, 2 weeks before the event, he told me he thought if we put it off, someone else would do it. I told him we did have alternate plans, but if we had to use them, HE was NOT invited.
So he decided we should all go to Great Amerrika amusement park. I couldn't criticize since I had left it to him. I took Mom there in her wheelchair since that would be too much walking for her. We saw a cake, but when she asked about cutting it, he said later. He spent the time enjoying the rides and ignoring his mother until after 5 1/2 hours I told him I was taking her home. All of a sudden there was a flurry of gifts and cards and did we want to take the cake with us? She opened the cards, I put the gifts in the trunk, and we said "no" to the sheet cake. We got home, I gave her something to eat, and she went right to bed. She was tired for three days.
I'm not sure if he was being passive-aggressive or if he is just that stupid and self absorbed. Maybe a little of each.
Anyway, as it applies to me and getting back on track (I have gained 7 pounds back) I need to be selfish. I can't let the fact that Mother lives with me mean that I have to cater to my siblings. When they come to visit her, that should be my time to do whatever I want. I can't let myself feel stressed to the point of "needing" chocolate. This is my challenge.
The birthday is over. The life begins.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Do what you need to do to make you and your mom happy. The insensitivity of this party and the actions amaze me.


    3171 days ago
  • GRACIE0204
    Wow-that is unreal. I can not even fathom having a birthdat party for a 90 year old at Great America. That is rediculous. Your brother is rude and selfish. You do need to claim the time your siblings visit for yourself. Your mom lives with you everyday and you deserve a well earned break-and occasionally some chocolate too. I'm glad you put an end to it after 5 1/2 hours-your poor Mom-what was there for her to do besides sit in an uncomfortable wheel chair all day?? Selfish is too kind of a word in this instance. I am sooooooooooo glad you are standing up for yourself and getting some YOU time in!! emoticon emoticon
    3173 days ago
    Wow - I don't even know how to comment on his behavior. I think it's a man thing. Men just don't seem to "get it" sometimes. Is he married or have a significant other? Maybe he doesn't really know how to show someone he loves them.

    It's family and we have to love them for who they are...even if we don't understand them. Good luck next year!

    It's okay to be selfish. Do what you need to do and other will understand. If we don't watch out for ourselves, no one will! You can do it!
    3173 days ago
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