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The "whys" behind my step-down as leader.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

My dad had to have the Fistula removed from his left arm and put into his right arm but his left arm is still swollen, really badly swollen. The short version is the blood cannot get out of his left arm due to the lead from his defibrillator/pacemaker occluding the vein.

So we went back to the surgeon yesterday and would you believe it, his body remade the Fistula in his left arm?! It will need surgery again to remove it again. So now he has a Fistula in each arm and goes for a 3rd surgery on Monday, July 6th.

The day before Father's Day, June 20, Ray fell over my treadmill in the back hallway because he couldn't see it. The reason he couldn't see it is someone closed the bedroom door making the hallway too dark. He scraped his arms and has a really bad one on his left arm that tore the skin in a gash about 1"X7" and we had to rush to the ER where they removed the skin that was no longer attached. They bandaged him and we were to go to the Hospital Wound Center on Tuesday - and they dressed it like a burn and told us not to touch it until Friday but she used gauze instead of non-stick Telfa. I did ask about that but was assured it would not stick to the wound. On Friday the dressing would not come off necessitating an emergency visit to his G.P. to have the wound redressed the right way. We did not return to the Wound Center!

After the fall, Ray started complaining of pain in his back and side but there was nothing showing. Then a rash popped up. Yup, bless his heart, he got shingles. Shingles can appear due to stress and Ray had stress the past few weeks what with the reunion coming. For some reason he was in a panic that I hadn't started cleaning fanatically (the way I usually did) and that was worrying him; the fall just finished him off.

So I am doctoring his left arm for a bad scrape of 6-8 inches where they had to cut off the scraped skin and also trying to tend to his shingles. And doctoring my father's left arm because the swelling caused a lesion that is draining fluid. And I still have to cover his "temporary dialysis hookup" when he insists on showering. Short version, there are 2 tubes coming out of his neck/shoulder area and water must not enter his body through the hole. So he is showering on the mornings of dialysis because we are not always successful in keeping the water out and fear of infection is always with us.

I just had to step down as leader of both my teams because I just have no time for me anymore, I can barely take care of Ray & Dad, and just am unable to squeeze more hours out of my day right now to help other spark members in a leadership capacity. Praise the Lord, He will show me the way to continue without losing my mind and I can still offer support to those who will need it.

I know I don't owe an explanation to anyone. But I feel my reason for stepping down was necessary and I didn't want anyone to think otherwise.

I will still be here for anyone reaching out for support and motivation.

Hugs y'all,
"there's always room for one more"

I thank you all for being so understanding. Monday dad has his 3rd surgery - I sure do hope this will be the last for a while.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, Linda, I'm so glad you shared this so that we can support you now. We all go through rough times, whether it's weight related or other, and your family (and you) definitely come first. I've personally had experience with a fistula and my husband has also had shingles. So I can somewhat relate with what you're dealing with. Thankfully for me (and unfortunately for you) those experiences didn't occur at the same time. I feel for you! With so much to deal with, you definitely need time for yourself. Also, don't be afraid to ask your friends and family for help if you need it. Even having someone run simple errands for you can save you precious time.

    Take care of yourself!!
    3180 days ago
    Linda, you don't need to say why, but I hope your husband and your dad will both get better, and that you will continue to improve in your own health.

    I'm sending up a special prayer for you and not expecting any answer from you, only that Divine blessings will flow to you!
    3181 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/2/2009 1:40:28 PM
  • CAROL_
    You're exactly right. You owe NO ONE an explanation. I hope you are still taking care of yourself through all this stress . . . plus the reunion . . . hope you are taking extra B for the stress.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3181 days ago
    Sounds like Ray really did a number on himself. Hope he is feeling better.


    an> emoticon

    3181 days ago
    Linda , my dear friend. You sometimes have to take a path not of your choosing. Take care of your loved ones and we will pray for all 3 of you. Continue to take care of Linda too, she is equally important. Love ya,

    3181 days ago
    Good Lord, Linda!
    Please don't forget to take care of YOU!!!

    3181 days ago
  • MARTY19
    Your right my friend - you don't owe anyone an explaination. The fact you give shows just how uch charater you have. You have so much on your plate right now that you need to take a step back. I know how you worry about it but at some point you need to put yourself back into the equation. Please take care and know you are in my prayers.

    Love you,
    3182 days ago
    Dear Linda, I admire your devotion and strength!!! I hope your Dad and Ray get well soon! GBU!!! emoticon emoticon
    I am here for you!!!

    3182 days ago
  • _VALEO_
    I second the other ladies' comments. We're be here for you.
    In the meantime, take care of you and of your family.

    emoticon emoticon
    3182 days ago
    Linda -- the other ladies have already said it so well. I will keep your Dad and hubby in my thoughts as they recover and will also think of you as you help them. You never need to explain to us why you had to step down -- you are more to us than a leader of a team - you are a special friend. We'll be here at Spark when you are ready to return. Take care of yourself and try to fit in those walks...it will help you with everything else.


    3182 days ago
    Linda - You are a kind and generous person to give of yourself as you do. If you need our support, we're here for you as well!! Keep walking........it'll keep you healthy and as another sparker mentioned ..aleviate the stress.

    3182 days ago
    MSLZZY pretty much said it. Oh Linda, I feel for you. I hear shingles are not a good thing to have. A fellow sparker I met in Arkansas had them and she still isn't 100% but she got it in her legs but does affect her back and sides. You, your dad and Ray will be in my prayers and thoughts. Take care and don't worry one iota about Spark. It'll always be here when you are ready.
    3182 days ago
    My heart goes out to all three of you! We'll miss you but I would do the same thing. So don't worry, and I'm glad to see you still do your daily walks - that ought to help ease your stress. emoticon from PG44
    3182 days ago
  • SPARROW147
    You are a good person to take care of them. That says more about your character than leading your teams. Lead you family first.
    3182 days ago
    I hope everything will work its self out and that everyone gets better. you and your family are in my pray please take care of you as well along this journey
    3182 days ago
    I send you my utmost support and sympathy! I would never presume to judge a person's worth by what they choose to do or not do. You had very good personal reasons to step down as a leader. No one should question you on that.
    Your life is too busy now to worry about anything else beside getting your dad's
    and Ray's health back.
    Take care and try not to let this get you down! emoticon
    My daughter got shingles in May-from stress with her job! She is only 31! She's
    much better now but it was ugly for about 3 weeks!
    3182 days ago
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