Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I really appreciate all your kind thoughts and prayers, please keep them coming. I stayed with dh in the hospital since last sunday, it really has been a rollercoaster of a week. Dh is feeling a little better but very tired. He still has a blood infection which they though was endocarditis(infection of the heart), we did a tee(transesophageal echo) and at least it ruled out endocarditis and his heart valves were fine. The bad news is that he has a weak heart, an ejection fraction of 35%(normal is 55-60%) This is the amount of blood your heart puts out with each heart beat. They believe it is due to a virus that attacked his heart at sometime in his life, so they put him on some heart meds to increase it hopefully over time. This has always been my worst nightmare, because just the thought of losing him is too traumatic for me to bear. I want him to go on disability but he is refusing, he will be out of work for sometime and right now they are letting him work from home. I know eventually they will have to replace him, he thinks nothing will change but in reality our life has just been turned upside down. I'm contemplating selling the farm, just going back to pittsburgh and getting a small house, just don't know. I had to tell my daughter in college that i can't pay her tuition this year and she should think about coming home and attending here where we might be able to manage. I hate disappointing my children but I have to think on downsizing my expenses to make things work. I'm not worried about the mortgage, I can cover that and the bills on my salary. I offered to sell the horses but dh is refusing that right now, just might keep sweetheart and chloe. Sorry to rant and ramble but I am trying to think practically.