Monday, June 29, 2009
i'm obsessed with this death
no idea why, and i never would have thought i was the "type"
but i'm obsessed, reading everything, searching pictures watching videos, listening to songs, etc
ok- so- i grew up with him- he's only a year older than me
and i believe my first 45 was "ben"- or one of the jackson 5 records-
and i am positive that the jackson 5 were my first conscious exposure to anyone black
so i grew up with him
love the music, the dancing is out of this world
but- then there's his stuff with kids-- i don't know the truth- i wasn't there- i believe it is a fact that he spent a lot of money to pay off the last trial-- i'm pretty sure i know what that means, but yet, i want to keep my head in the sand and believe it's not true
weird- very, different- oh yeah
talented- out of this world
tortured- yes, i believe so
altho- that would not "excuse" anything
i think i'm even more upset- if it's true- that this was about pain meds-- i don't get that- all that money, all those resources, and you can't get "fixed" to live w/o abusing drugs? i guess i'll keep my drug- food-- it could kill me, but not nearly the same way
i'm very sad for his kids= welcome to a carnival fighting over you! i hope there's actually been someone in their lives who wants to take care of them-- but i suspect they'll end up getting split up- unless the first mom can just be paid off??? (guess that shows my opinion of her!)
this is hitting me similar to princess di-- all i can think of is- would have, could have, do something different!!
i'm very sad
i'm very mixed up about how sad i feel
has me "evaluating" life-- sheesh, i was checking out the peace corp-- come on, nowhere should i be thinking of quitting my job i've been at for 22 yrs to go live in a shack in another country somewhere........
so- i just blew 100.00 on a 33 dvd michael jackson history set-- yes, 33 dvd's-- back to jackson 5 concerts-- ok, so that's 3.33 a dvd- that's a steal- do i have an extra 100.00-- heck no, will i watch them all, i doubt it-- but, i never did get to see him in concert, and, i wanted the concert ones
i'm very glad now that i blew the money last year to finally see madonna
i guess as we're putting "life" off- maybe we really do need to wonder what we're "waiting" for
i'm listening to "i just can't stop loving you"-- what a gorgeous song!
i think i'd feel better about this, if it weren't for the kid stuff
how can you be so talented, such an artist, and be so sick- and not cure it, or resist, or get help??
and how come i still admire him?? can i admire the artist, and hate the man??
i am looking at those lil boy pics-- and, it does make me sorry for whatever happened, whatever got twisted, to produce a pedophile
(and maybe, since i've worked with criminals for almost 30 yrs now, i am used to separating crimes from the person?? ah ha-- maybe blogging does help- cuz that just occurred to me.....i've worked with sex offenders, murderers, etc.....and i don't, can't, think about that very much.......those are the same guys i'm pulling weeds with in the garden, and talking about patterson books with, and helping them with math
so maybe i have an easier time of it to keep these types of things in a different perspective
thanx for listening
i think this may have helped
granted, i'm still, very sad, but i also think i can be less "tortured" about being sad!
"the way you make me feel" is on now-- that's 1 hot number!!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
The day that Michael died I believe was a day the whole world stopped to listen. I am a lifelong fan, and was amember of the Jackson Five Fan Club many years ago. What a sad but wondefully extroidanary life this man lived. What I felt when watching him perform was utter joy and happiness for the professionalism he exhibited in perfecting his craft. He was obviously a genius, and someone God never intended to be here for very long. That is the only way I can make sense of such a tragic and pitiful way that this creative genius and wonderful human being died.
His advisors advised him to settle the cases and that is what he did. I do not nor will I ever believe he did what he was accused of. He was extremely gifted but very naive. I think from the moment he suffered the 2nd and 3rd degree burns to his hair scalp and face, things began spiraling even more out of control. He had no one to tell him no to anything. If I were his age when all of that disfigurement occured I would have been depressed to. I don't think until they showed those tapes again of him on fire did I really understand just how seriously he'd been burned. He had to wear wigs and suffered many surgeries that we were not aware of, until his death. Of course serious burns are painful. My mother burned here left arm severely when I was young trying to clean my granma's house. She has years of pain from that and lots of pain medicine, but my dad was there to monitor. So there was no addiction and she wanted them believe me. You have to have people around you that love you and really care about you. What a horrifying thing to endure. And all tose falls and damage he suffered to his young body and yet he still performed?? In closing as Judge Judy says all the time on her show. No Good deed goes unpunished! I get it now.
2783 days ago
Comment edited on: 9/10/2009 1:18:21 AM
If my calculations are correct, Michael was 19/20 years old when he broke out with "off the Wall". Those wonderous moves cost him in body damage from hitting the floors of the stages hard with no pads on his knees. The physical shock ran through his body and he did this for years.
Then he damaged his knee, then his back. This are tramatic injuries for dancers. Dancing was incredibly important to his art. To me the singing wasn't enough to satisfy him.
It has been reported that he suffered from vitiligo and lupus. In arts that involve appearance such as entertainment, this is also a professional death sentence. It greives me to think that Michael may have chosen the path of silence rather than really emphasizing that he was physically changing and perhaps bring this to the attention of the larger community. It made his behavior appear to be that of a freak rather than someone who was slowly been taken by forces beyond understanding. And he drugged himself to cope with that and the issues of being a stranger in a strange land.
In an way, Michael is free to create again. To move among the stars and planets as he and his family often refer to in their various songs and videos. I pray that he is dancing in the universe of his dreams and perhaps we will all meet again.
Michael Jackson was a visionary among visionaries.
In a way, a holy man.
Thanks for your blog.
2837 days ago
Comment edited on: 7/18/2009 2:20:36 AM
I see it as an era gone. It does seem so tragic. But, when you think about it...America (and perhaps the world) thrives on the tragic...the drama. It perhaps wouldn't have seemed fitting for him to live to be 99 and die in a nursing home...when no one would even remember who he was. This was the ultimate tragedy. He was a living legend and it was a fitting and glorious end and send off for someone of his stature...like Elvis only bigger...like Mother Teresa and Princess Diana. Still, for all of us left behind...it is the end of an era...perhaps the signaling of our adulthood or middle age. I though Michael was extremely talented and mesmerizing though I would not have considered myself a fan (per se). I am not convinced that he was guilty of what he was accused of. I think that his wealth made him a target for people trying to get rich quick. I do think that he suffered from Asperger's syndrome. He reminded me so much of my ex-son-in-law who suffered from the same condition. These people are usually genius in one area yet suffer from social issues and are sometimes "germophobic" and other issues that Michael suffered from. He did live a tortured life either way and now he doesn't have to worry about all of that anymore. The world is left to ponder the man, his life and legacy. And those of a certain generation are left without an icon and image of our youth. Peter Pan is gone and now Wendy has to grow up. Peace
2842 days ago
Comment edited on: 7/12/2009 9:16:11 AM
I know im a little late but I just read this blog and wanted to offer my 2 cents. I think he was an extremely talented and caring person. Often misunderstood.
Nearly 2 years ago, my bf, a manager at an electronics store, got a call from one of MJ's "people" indicating that MJ wanted to visit the store and would it be okay to do so after hours. So it was all set up and MJ came in with his children to shop. My honey said that MJ's children were the most well behaved and polite kids he had ever seen, and that MJ was very nice to him as well. He even cranked up a stereo a little bit,cruised the store looking at cameras and product while snapping his fingers and humming to the music. (Wish is could have been there!)
Anyway, no one "outside" really knows what goes on in peoples homes and if those that accused him were lying, they will have to live with knowing what they did. If that were the case, one could only hope that as they evolve as people they would come forward to clear his name if only for his children.
The universe has a way taking care of things in devine order.
I really enjoyed reading this blog. Thank you !
Namaste my sparklin' friend,
2844 days ago
Sparklinjewell, I don't know you, but I really enjoyed the blog. I grew up on Michael Jackson's music, too. He is about a year or so older than me, too. Even at that young age, I could see his talent was astounding. (By the way, someone mentioned the Jackson 5 singing "One Bad Apple," but I remember the Osmonds singing that song instead.) I was just mesmerized anytime the Jackson 5 came on the tv, but my attention was always on Michael. I loved "ABC," "Ben," "Never Can Say Goodbye," "Rockin' Robin," and so on.
He didn't have a childhood, so of course he had since tried to go back and live it, but everyone saw him as a pedophile luring children to Neverland.
He was just a tender, loving person who wanted children to be his friend, since he wasn't allowed to have friends in his childhood.
I saw a home video the other night that a friend of his had taken a few years ago. Michael always wanted to go grocery shopping like normal people, but couldn't. This friend got the store to open up to Michael after-hours, and Micheal was SO excited. Something we dread, going grocery shopping, was a big treat for him!
I loved his genius as an artist. He was a fine singer and dancer, and that's how I'll remember him.
2849 days ago
Comment edited on: 7/5/2009 9:43:14 PM
Great blog! I agree with so many. I am 54, a few years older than Michael. I thought he was extremely talented. I enjoyed listening to him and watching him dance. WOW, could he ever dance!! After some of the 'craziness' started appearing with Michael, I wasn't too interested in watching or listening to him anymore. I am one of those people though who was never convinced Michael molested children. I thought he was just a childlike man. I thought he missed his childhood, affter all he was a celebrity as a child. I never understood all of the plastic surgeries, the lightening of his skin, the fact that he seemed so afraid of germs...I thought he had mental issues. He may or may not have sought treatmenf for any mental problem, if he hadn't he should have. It never really occurred to me that he was involved in the crazy drugs that he was....how very sad. How sad for someone as talented as he was to lose his life so early. I wish he had been taken care of by those that act now as though they loved the man and were close to him. If they had loved him, why weren't they helping him instead of enabling him???
2849 days ago
I think you said everything I wanted to say. I am still at a stand still my first time ever seeing the Jackson 5 or Michael was on TV in fact we just bought a color TV, and that night he was on. They played One Bad Apple and my mother said that one main singer is going to be a star one day a big one. I still think he was to young to die, much to talented. I think that he never thought how big he really was
I do feel sorry for the kids, the press is going to have a filed day with them growing up. And the world is going to want to see if any of his kids got his talents, (I sure hope so).
As for what the press said that he did, IDK and I am not God to judge. I blame the parent for letting a small child sleep over a mans house they don't even know and he had no kids why would you let your child sleep over any mans house. I guess that we will never know, only God and him really know the answer. One more thing, it shows you that no matter how a much money you have you cant take what you have bought with you, and you cant buy your life for extra time. When your time is up its up.
I will Miss Michale very much. May God be with his children and family as they pass this painful time.
2850 days ago
It is very sad that Michael was treated so badly by his own Father and now with his untimely death his Father is using his death for his benefit. Michael had a wonderful God given gift. Some many loved him us included. He was misunderstood. I think we have all seen what most have not that Michael had a tormented soul. We all need to pray for his children that his Father does not do to them what he did to Michael. He did not want that.
He only wanted the best for them. Everything he did was for the betterment of others.
Look how much money he gave away. How much he spent on Netherland, on the orphans of other countries, etc.
Jewell, I hope you can say a prayer and know that Michael is no longer suffering. No longer tormented.
2852 days ago
I have been following it closely as well......it is a totally tragic event in our lives and I feel for his family. I have seen through a recent movie on TV land a true story of his life and how his father was a real tyrant with all the children and watching it, I believe his dad was jealous of his own son, Michael....of the commradery with Barry Gordy! To grow up to never have a childhood.....that has to do something to a child!!!
2852 days ago
It's so hard to say good bye. Gone to soon.
2853 days ago
i AM VERY SAD TOO. But I always take these kinds of things to heart...more than most people. Farrah, too. I think I have come to deal with MJ.....by realizing he never ever lived like the child he should have been. Let's face it....he was a career singer....long before some of us were out of diapers (well not really)......I think the whole neverland thing was a man trying to get back the childhood he never had. And I think it ended up warping his mind......so he still was very child like.....and his innocence..is what really got him in trouble. He never ever thought.......the people could think his acts of love.........could have such bad things. I refuse to believe...he did the nasty things they say. Maybe I am nieve.....but that is my take on it. His addiction is a product of him not being able to get rid of the pain in his life. He never realized that no matter how much pain medication he took........it wouldn't touch what he had goin on......mental pain.......is untouchable....by pain killers. It is a very sad day...for the world......he was such a positive influence in the world and now he is gone......I will miss him......cause I loved him too. Jewells.....long live the king........hugs to you...feel better......
2853 days ago
WOW.......I barely know what to say to this one! I am at a loss over MIchael! Did I have my head in the sand in believing that he was innocent,perhaps! I wanted to believe that it was just money hungry liars who were setting him up! The general public might never know! BUT,he was amazing! The king,an awesome performer and a tragically tortured sad and probably lonely man except for his children! What a tragedy! It really makes me sooo sad as well! I cant tear myself away from the stuff on t.v. and it makes me angry when so many people want to speak ill of him ! .....he is no longer here to defend himself against those miserable people who just feel the need to bring him down and stick their nose in his business! Fame really has a horrible price! He might have had lots of money and fame but without some degree of privacy,is it ever worth it?? Maybe some day his kids will speak out and perhaps then people might know the truths! Maybe never! I will always love him anyways!
sending you lots of hugs and blessings just for being the loving compassionate person you are! love Tina
2853 days ago
Jewel- I have a lot of the same feelings as you do. The man was talanted.... but so messed up. I think he truely earned his fame, but it saddens me that he was so unhappy with himself that he did all those things to himself... much less what he has been accused of with the kids!!! See... again... another case of all the money in the world can't buy you happiness. I will always remember MJ for his wonderful music. Enjoy those cds girl. I was never able to see him either.... and it does make you realize that if you want to see someone.. you should. I feel for his kids.... what a mess!!!! Everyone is going to want them for all the wrong reasons. May we all remember MJ's talent... I think so many of us have forgotten how talented he was with all the other drama in his life that has overshadowed it. Enjoy the music Jewels!!!!
2853 days ago
there is a lot of you in us, Jewells. I'm 2 years older than MJ. I grew up adoring him. He was my Idol. Since his death I've been reading everythign I can on him and his life and his death. there are the jokes aobut him. Those who dont' like him. But I appreciated his talented. He didn't just make noice he make music and songs. I enjoyed your description of it all. thanks.
2854 days ago
Good blog. The scripture states that we are to "hate the sin, but love the sinner" so you are right on target with you question. I wasn't a fan, but know that he was extremely talented!! I also know that he was extremely "tortured". Many extremely gifted individuals throughout life have been claimed to be "insane"...Einstein was one of them.
I tend to believe that Michael was a pedophile, but weather he was or wasn't - it isn't my job to judge him, and he was acaquitted. The courts state that a person is innocent until proven guilty. Easy for me to say, since he didn't abuse one of my children or grandchildren. Not so easy for those that were. Thanks for sharing you thoughts. I think it may have helped us all.
2854 days ago
Can you admire the talent & hate what he possibly did........Absolutely.
I feel much the same as you. You can't take away from the talent.
We don't have to judge him. A power far greater then worldly is now
in charge. Enjoy the music. I will!
2854 days ago
I know just what you're saying...I also grew up with the Jackson 5. Michael really did have the most amazing talent. As strange as his life got in the past few years, I still always found myself feeling sorry for him. I guess my thoughts are that here was this musical genius who didn't really believe in himself...who coped with the demons in his life through odd rituals and whatever else may have happened.Not really so very different from myself...I just turned to food to deal with my demons.
I think what I'm trying to take from his life and death is that, until we are at peace with ourselves, no amount of fame, adoration or money can ever bring us true contentment and happiness in this life. I've got to spend more time working on finding that contentment within me.
I think blogging about this has helped you in some small way...isn't it just the strangest feeling when that light bulb goes off as you're writing? I'm so goofy that sometimes I'm like, "Nah, that can't be what this is about..." Gotta trust yourself and believe what your mind releases to you as you work thru the issues...hmm...now to follow my own advice...
2854 days ago
It has been a strange week and between Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, it's just a reminder of how very fragile life is. There is no denying that Michael Jackson's style had an enormous impact on the music industry not to mention inventive dance moves that had everyone talking. I think his death has reminded us of the special talent he had. He did have some eccentric ways and right or wrong is not mine to judge as I only have the facts the media shared. Michael Jackson always desired to take music to the next level and he did for many years.
But when your really take inventory of your life what is it that really matters? I don't know if Michael Jackson had faith in the Savior, but ultimately that is the priority that matters most. It doesn't mean we will be short on life's problems and challenges but it does mean we know what awaits us at the end of the journey.
Thank you for the work you are doing with those who have made grave mistakes in life.
He is our contemporary. In fact he's actually younger than I am and that makes us realize how fragile and blessed we are to awaken every day with new opportunities to make a difference right where we are.
Enjoy Michael's music, appreciate the people around you, look for the positives in each day and thank the Lord you are healthy and well.
God's blessings and love,
2855 days ago
Surprisingly, MJ's death has bothered me too. I was a huge fan when I was a little kid. I was convinced when I was in the 2-4th grades that he was the man I was going to marry--much to my father's chagrin. I think his death bothers me so much because he truly was a musical genius that people really did idolize but he never realized it in life. I hope he found the security, love and comfort in death that he couldn't find in life.
As for whether he molested children, the court acquitted him in the second case. In the first case, the parents took money. If it was my child, I would have given everything I had to make sure the person who molested him/her went to jail. My feelings about it are that the court found him innocent and who am I to judge? There's a much higher power that he will have to answer to if he actually did commit the crime.
What makes me so sad (and to be honest caused me to shed a few tears) is that I had truly forgotten how gifted he was and what wonderful music he gave to the world. His legal and personal issues overshadowed that for the past 10 years. However, he lives on his children and in his music. I just pray his children are taken care of and loved and given the opportunity to know what an impact their father had on music.
2855 days ago
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