i'm obsessed with this death
no idea why, and i never would have thought i was the "type"
but i'm obsessed, reading everything, searching pictures watching videos, listening to songs, etc
ok- so- i grew up with him- he's only a year older than me
and i believe my first 45 was "ben"- or one of the jackson 5 records-
and i am positive that the jackson 5 were my first conscious exposure to anyone black
so i grew up with him
love the music, the dancing is out of this world
but- then there's his stuff with kids-- i don't know the truth- i wasn't there- i believe it is a fact that he spent a lot of money to pay off the last trial-- i'm pretty sure i know what that means, but yet, i want to keep my head in the sand and believe it's not true
weird- very, different- oh yeah
talented- out of this world
tortured- yes, i believe so
altho- that would not "excuse" anything
i think i'm even more upset- if it's true- that this was about pain meds-- i don't get that- all that money, all those resources, and you can't get "fixed" to live w/o abusing drugs? i guess i'll keep my drug- food-- it could kill me, but not nearly the same way
i'm very sad for his kids= welcome to a carnival fighting over you! i hope there's actually been someone in their lives who wants to take care of them-- but i suspect they'll end up getting split up- unless the first mom can just be paid off??? (guess that shows my opinion of her!)
this is hitting me similar to princess di-- all i can think of is- would have, could have, do something different!!
i'm very sad
i'm very mixed up about how sad i feel
has me "evaluating" life-- sheesh, i was checking out the peace corp-- come on, nowhere should i be thinking of quitting my job i've been at for 22 yrs to go live in a shack in another country somewhere........
so- i just blew 100.00 on a 33 dvd michael jackson history set-- yes, 33 dvd's-- back to jackson 5 concerts-- ok, so that's 3.33 a dvd- that's a steal- do i have an extra 100.00-- heck no, will i watch them all, i doubt it-- but, i never did get to see him in concert, and, i wanted the concert ones
i'm very glad now that i blew the money last year to finally see madonna
i guess as we're putting "life" off- maybe we really do need to wonder what we're "waiting" for
i'm listening to "i just can't stop loving you"-- what a gorgeous song!
i think i'd feel better about this, if it weren't for the kid stuff
how can you be so talented, such an artist, and be so sick- and not cure it, or resist, or get help??
and how come i still admire him?? can i admire the artist, and hate the man??
i am looking at those lil boy pics-- and, it does make me sorry for whatever happened, whatever got twisted, to produce a pedophile
(and maybe, since i've worked with criminals for almost 30 yrs now, i am used to separating crimes from the person?? ah ha-- maybe blogging does help- cuz that just occurred to me.....i've worked with sex offenders, murderers, etc.....and i don't, can't, think about that very much.......those are the same guys i'm pulling weeds with in the garden, and talking about patterson books with, and helping them with math
so maybe i have an easier time of it to keep these types of things in a different perspective
thanx for listening
i think this may have helped
granted, i'm still, very sad, but i also think i can be less "tortured" about being sad!
"the way you make me feel" is on now-- that's 1 hot number!!