Friday, June 26, 2009
Unlike some people, I don't really have willpower coming out of my ears, you know? The chocolate winks at me, in its flirty way, and I just melt. How can I say no to that rich, dark voice? To make it worse, somewhere in my childhood, I decided that I had to eat two of anything small. Two oreos, two Hershey's kisses, two, two, too fattening.
There's a guy in my office who keeps a candy bowl on his desk. For the past few years, every time I walk past his desk, I stop and grab TWO Dove chocolates, or TWO Hershey Special Darks, or TWO Kisses. I HAD to, you see. It wasn't my fault, because it was just my OCD.
Earlier this month, though, I was visiting my fit friend, who asked me if I'd join her in the Seaside half-marathon next year. It's a girls' weekend out, she said. We'll rent a beach house, and hang out and have a great time, and run 13.1 miles in the freezing Florida winterland. I agreed, which means I have to get fit now. I had to form some new habits fast!
I can't diet. I've tried. Dieting is depriving yourself of things that you like, and I can't do that to myself. I thought I might try the Slim Fast plan, but that's got two main drawbacks. First, It's not a lifestyle change. Second, drinking a chocolate shake makes me crave more chocolate! Realizing this was my breakthrough.
All these years, I've been saying to myself that can have something sweet, it's just one (or TWO) and it won't make a big difference. But what I've learned about myself - after 40 years of observation - is that I have no shutoff valve. AFter the first taste of chocolate, I am hooked, and have to down one after another. There is no satisfaction, just a need to maintain the flavor.
So. I decided.
I don't like chocolate.
I just don't. It's grainy and tasteless, and overly sweet. I have no need for it. Now, when I go by my friend's desk and see the chocolate bowl, I don't have to believe the lies that the chocolate tells me. It doesn't love me. It's just using me. For the first week, the chocolate kept taunting me. When it got too intense, I would pick up a piece - ONE - unwrap it, and throw it in the garbage. Ha! I am in charge! Not the chocolate!
Now that I have mastered the chocolate, I feel strong, and happy with myself. I can finally win this battle.