Saturday, June 20, 2009
I've have spent the majority of my life trying to make friends and keeping them. Most end up of making some strong bonds with each other and I end up being the one with her face pressed against the window looking in and wishing I too could be one of them. It never happens but I keep trying!
For the 3 years I've been meeting with a group of mothers of of kids that my son graduated with in 2006. The kids are still very close and had felt that I was creating a bond with them. I should of known when I kept hearing conversations of things that had been happening that others already knew that the others had created a much stronger bond that did not include me. I kept plugging away HOPING that I would eventually be accepted as the rest had been. I have finally accepted that it won't happen especially as I have out and out been lied to when I tried to express my feelings in an email to them this past week.
I've cried a few times over this. Railed over it. And cried some more and sometime came to the conclusion that if I have to fight to be accepted it's not worth it. I want to be accepted because of WHO I am not because of who my son is! Also I do not want to harm in any way the relationship they have with my son. The two relationships are totally separate and it's up to Kevin to decide how he wants to deal with them from today on not me!
I have FOUR graduation parties today and my girlfriend is going with me as my husband is out of town for the weekend. She has been there for me for 15 years! No matter what, no matter the situation she has ALWAYS be there! I may not have many friends but the ones I do have STICK and are long standing and solid!
I have decided to LAUGH today and swim in the kind and laughter of Sue's friendship! It's been steady and wonderful and I couldn't ask for a bonding that was stronger or more enduring!