Sunday, June 14, 2009
Yesterday was my new "official" weigh-in day, and the scale registered 303.8 - that's 2.6 pounds down from the week before. On one hand, I was happy (well, more relieved) at this because my "renegade" weigh-in on Thursday had shown me only .2 pounds down from the previous Saturday. I should have known my TOM was screwing with the numbers.
On the other hand, I was left a little bit disappointed because I'm so anxious to be under 300 pounds and figured that if I was only going to be losing 2.6 or so pounds a week (which yes, I know is healthy!) then it would take another 2 weeks to get there. That was disheartening because I knew that if I had been more consistent since starting back at the end of April, I would have been there by now. I thought I was done beating myself up for past mistakes, but I guess that habit is as hard - if not harder - to break than my bad food habits.
I knew as early as Friday that Saturday was going to be a struggle. Weekends are always hard, particularly weekends when I have nothing going on. After the stress of last week, which had me going as far as to try to buy a pack of cigarettes on Thursday (the store in my building didn't have my brand, and it was raining so I didn't want to go out), I needed a day of complete relaxation. I spent the whole day sitting or lying around watching TV, movies, and looking through cooking books and magazines. I've spent plenty of Saturdays this way in the past, and generally a whole day of sitting around coincided with a whole day of snacking. My mixed feelings about the week's progress was not going to help. If I had been happier with it, I would have been totally motivated to stay away from junk. More disappointed, and I might have wanted to "punish" myself by keeping to the low end of my calorie range for the day.
I was fine until lunchtime when I started feeling hungrier than usual. Worse, all I had planned for lunch was a bowl of soup and some leftover chicken breast, and neither of those sounded appetizing. Strangely (because it's not typical for me), I was craving sweets. I went rummaging through the kitchen and all I could find to satiate a sweet tooth was cereal. I decided on the Fiber One Caramel Delight, which I have only eaten once before because it's generally too sweet for me to eat first thing in the morning. I could feel the "bad girl" inside me taking over, and she opted to have TWO full servings of the cereal, and even then, I could tell she was thinking that she'd be back to raid the refrigerator when the cereal was gone.
I took my cereal bowl back to the couch and pulled up Spark People to change what was logged for lunch. Before deleting anything, I noticed that if I had stuck to my planned food for the day, I would have been low on carbs. Probably because I'd had a veggie omelet for breakfast instead of my usual cereal. I plugged in the cereal and milk, and what do you know? I was still very much within my calorie range - about in the middle - and had gotten my carbs right where they should be. I guess it wasn't the "bad girl" in me wanting sweets after all; it was my body trying to tell me I needed something! Maybe it was seeing the numbers or maybe I just get satisfied a lot faster these days, but I had no desire to eat anything else for lunch after the cereal, and I had no problems sticking with my planned food for the rest of the day.
I haven't even gotten to the "Wowza" moment yet. That happened this morning. I woke up feeling good and was feeling a lot lighter after my BM, so I decided to weigh myself again. I was hoping to be just a smidgen closer to 300 - maybe lose those .8 pounds so I'd be within 3 pounds of it. So I do my little obsessive scale routine of hopping on and off (see previous blog for an explanation), and what number comes up twice in a row? 301.2! Wowza! I must have still been losing water weight, since my TOM just ended Friday. I am completely ecstatic about that number. Unless something goes terribly awry, I'm practically guaranteed to be under 300 next week. It's going to be so hard to stay off the scale until then, but I must! I don't even want to see 300.2 or 299.8. By next Saturday, I want there to be no doubt that I am no longer 300 pounds!