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I feel like I set myself up for the fall...

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

So I had a small binge episode tonight. I did manage to pull myself out of it before I did any real damage, which is a true sign of progress. As I look at my day today, I see that several small choices/influences came together, and I responded in my typical way -- stress eating! Here's what happened.

1. I am leaving town tomorrow to go attend and participate in a friend's wedding. I have 101 things to do and am feeling stressed.
2. I had to stay at work 3 hours late. More stress. I inhaled a Fiber One bar within seconds of my boss delivering this news.
3. I was trying to finish up a few random foods before leaving town, so I didn't really have lunch. I just had a few snacky things that did not leave me feeling satisfied.
4. Before I even got home from work, I decided that I needed a super quick dinner so I could get to packing. I felt I "deserved" a treat because it had been such a long day. So I brilliantly decided that I should have peanut butter and cool whip on a bagel. For dinner.

Now, all three of these foods are trigger foods for me. Why, oh why, would I think it was okay to eat trigger foods for dinner? This is a lesson I thought I had learned. I used to eat ice cream and cookies for dinner all the time. I thought calories were calories, and I didn't care where they came from. I have since learned that eating REAL food and REAL meals really helps me control my emotional eating.

So I ate my planned dinner treat, then promptly ate more, and some more. I ate 1,000 calories in less than 5 minutes. It was one of those frantic moments where I had to eat one bagel while the other was toasting because my need to eat was so intense that I could not wait one more minute.

But then, I stopped. I was sitting there on my kitchen floor with my spoon in the peanut butter jar, and I stopped. I thought about the great weekend I have coming up. I thought about how nice it would be to be able to have dessert and coffee with friends and not be feeling guilty about my binge earlier in the week. I thought about not having to worry about my bridesmaid's dress being to tight because I'm bloated. I thought about wanting to share pleasurable moments with people I love instead of sneaking and hiding and feeling guilty. So I stopped.

This is really big for me. I'm glad I'm getting on that plane tomorrow. There's nothing like a change of scenery to help me reset and get those pesky binge thoughts out of my head.

Until Monday...
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIGHTNINGRUNNER 6/4/2009 8:12AM

    You did well to stop yourself. Somedays are so stressful, that food is the only comfort that is quick. You know you would of gotten out and run IF ONLY YOU HAD THE TIME. But that is what you didn't have lots of. Forget today is a new day, learn that you need to plan ahead better for these times - prepack or a packing list, to do list - you can start a few days before leaving.

Now enjoy the wedding this weekend. We will all be waiting for you.

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SALDRU 6/4/2009 8:02AM

    I'm so proud of you. Have a great weekend. You deserve it!

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HICALGAL 6/4/2009 3:23AM

    great blog...glad to see you overcame what could've been a major all out binge! enjoy and have a wonderful time at the wedding.

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debbie

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 6/3/2009 11:21PM

    Dude. Tell me about it.

I'm learning what causes me to fall, too, and every time I think I've got it figured out, I find new ways! (I had my own small binge episode tonight, and managed to escape under 1500 cal for the day, but just barely.)

Good for you, stopping in time to minimize the damage. I am increasingly convinced that this process is about staying aware and dancing on the edge without falling over. No matter how well I plan things, situations and triggers crop up, and then it's a matter of flying by the seat of my pants, to stay balanced and upright.

You managed that tonight, by interrupting the peanut butter with constructive thoughts. So good on you!!! :-)

And have a great time at the wedding.
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