Chasing the Former Me
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Well, as we are well into the Spring season and Summer is taunting with the ideas of pina coladas, bbqs, and laying in the sun I am running. Running is an activity I started a few years ago when a new job's location isolated me from my usual activities and friends. Bored and somewhat restless, I started running and running and running. Before long, I was logging 30km or more a week.
Since then, I have trained and run in a relay race (13.2 km!!), moved twice and shifted my perspective on running. It is now an activity that has to fit into a very tight schedule full of responsibilities and personal traps. I have many ties with my community, fantastic spouse (non-runner), great friends, and a large family. Some days, the thought of running rather than plopping down on the sofa to catch another episode of Battlestar Galactic is torturous (Dont' tell me how the show ends! I'm only on Season 4 episode 13!!). As was the case last night, I didn't get out to run until 8 pm. A prime time to let myself wind down and call it a day. But, I dragged my butt to the door and got out all the while longing for the days when I looked forward to running.
So, it always seems that I am chasing the much more dedicated and determined version of me when I lived elsewhere. Being logical...that got me thinking.
The pressures and obligations we add into our life shifts our life-balance to accommodate. There is only so much of us to go around and yet we continuously add other roles to our life. Family, friends, community and work all compete with each other to gain purchase in a limited time-frame. Where do WE fit?
This is nothing new. Women's health magazines constantly run articles on how to incorporate "me time" into hectic and overwhelming schedules. There are many women out there that have next to no time. With two labs and a husband, my home life is full! I have nothing but respect and admiration for mothers who take care of so much in the run of a day. My training partner has a five month old who loves to watch us torture each other with circuit training while he lays happily in the middle!
SO, if we all know that we have to take time for ourselves and create balance in our lives...why are so many of us chasing some out-dated or never-seen version of ourselves? Why are we not content with what we already have: life, family, friends, work, exercise, healthy living, community, pets, children..............
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live a day without nagging myself to go faster, be better, or push harder. When and where did women learn to be so hard on themselves? I'm starting to realize that I'm missing something in my chase to be someone I used to be.