Update on My Weight-Loss Saboteur
Saturday, May 30, 2009
A couple people who responded to my 5/23/09 blog, where I shared my frustration over a "friend" who seemed to have a problem with my wanting to eat differently, asked me to update them as to how things were going.
Unfortunately, there is nothing much to write home about here. Two weeks passed and I finally called her. First time, she hung up on me before I could barely say hi and ask if we could get together and talk.
I called back and tried again and her response was that she had never been so embarrassed in her entire life and that my not tasting all the goodies that people had brought and my turning down the cake was an attempt on my part to ruin her gathering...that I had insulted her and her guests by not eating more. Her whole point was that I somehow, my limiting what and how much I ate was deliberate and intentional and aimed at slamming her.
Well, I'll admit, I had racked my brain trying to figure out why she was upset with me but this idea never crossed my mind. It really threw me and I wasn't sure how to respond. I realized that she'd not really heard or understood anything that I had previously told her about why I joined SP and my need and desire to get healthy again and put some balance, order and wellness into my life. I knew that anything I tried to say to her at that point would only make the situation worse.
So, I simply told her that I was sorry that she felt my eating habits were intended to make her look bad in front of others and that this was not my inten. She said she didn't want to hear any explanation because she just didn't believe me and that I was a terrible friend.
WHOA! that came as a surprise! I decided to just bring our conversation to a close and it was going downhill. I apologized again for embarrassing her and then pointed out that sinnce we obviously didn't see eye to eye on this and that she was convinced I was out to get her regardless of what I said, that maybe she should find a friend that was more compatible. I told her I was saddened about the whole thing but that I needed to step away and would not be calling her again.
We've only known each other for several months so I really think this is in the best interest of both of us. She is really paranoid about this and from the stories of her past girlfriends and the arguments they had, I'm beginning to think this is a pattern for her. I feel sorry for her and if she does call and wants to talk I will talk with her but I think it's better if I keep a little distance. Whatever happens, she is in my prayers.
Do you think I'm doing the right thing here? Anyone have any other suggestions?
Member Comments About This Blog Post
You didn't just do the right thing.. You did it in the best possible way. I don't know if I would have been able to be so kind and level headed like you were. You are my hero. When you find that a friend is completely out of their minds distance yourself. A friend of mine has a friend and she put up with a lot, and then as to be expected with damaged individuals she acted out very badly and really messed up my friends life. It will be years fixing the damage she caused. I think walking away is Kind, wise and prudent as well. If she wants back into your life think 3 times before you accept...
Good luck on the job front. I am pulling for you.
2596 days ago
Wow its all about her, is it not. You haven't had her as a friend, for that long, to me she sounds like someone inconsiderate of others. You do not need that in your life. You are on a path, to better health, this type, is not a friend. Let her find someone else she can manipulate.
You keep going like you are, your success, is your new friend. And of course all of us on SP!!
2599 days ago
Well, I may be late to the game, but for what it's worth - what a shallow person!! You need to look out for your health and FORGET the jealous, conniving little twit.
Seriously, she needs to get a life! You just keep up with your goals and do what is good for your health. I always say "If you cannot put in as much as I do, don't bother at all. Certainly I won't!"
, Syonara, Auf Wiedersehn, get lost, hasta la vista, baby. (not you! - her)
2599 days ago
Wow!!! You guys are so AWESOME!!! I so appreciate your feedback because although I think I'm doing the right thing and I've prayed about it, there's always that little voice in the back of my head telling me differently. Your support and encouragement mean so very much to me. I am relieved to know that you all feel the same as I about this situation.
I wish I had the time to write each of you a personal reply but time is quite short right now as four, yes four, job postings...all in OHIO were sent to me by a close friend who works in the public school system and all have closing deadlines this Monday and Tuesday so I have tons to do to get my applications in via internet. It's great that you can apply online but each school district has a different application process and so each one takes a couple of hours to complete (I always customize my cover letter and resume to highlight the areas the postings stress.
School districts in Ohio belong to a central networking system called "A" or "B" sites and through which they can forward various data to the State Dept of Education and other school districts. Often, those in these networks place job postings for everyone else and don't bother to post them on the State Dept of Education Employment Site.. So, my friend forwarded some things she saw on her "A" site that I could consider and there are four of them that might be good possibilities. I'll let you know if I hear anything.
Anyway, you are all so dear and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words.
God bless you!
2614 days ago
Your friend should be supportive of you for trying to better yourself. For her to tell you that you embarassed her because you didn't try everything at her party is selfish on her part and you don't need "Friends" like that. If you decide to go to a party or small gathering you do not need to explain yourself if you don't want to try everything or anything at all, gatherings are for the company not the food. Good for you for staying on track and not being intimidated into sampling fattening calorie filled finger food. If she feels like its all about her and can't see that your decisions are to better yourself then its time to move on. Its hard to do sometimes but you will feel better for it. Surround yourself with positive encouraging people and keep doing what your doing. You'll get there
2614 days ago
Hi! It is REALLY important to keep an eye out for toxic relationships that will only bring you heartache. This sounds like one of them.
We only have so much energy to devote to our relationships. They take a lot of energy - emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual. Save your love and energy for people who are in a place where they can give back to the relationship. Surround yourself with people who bring you up and don't tear you down.
I imagine this is hard, rejection always is. But take what you can from it, learn from the experience, and move on. That is all you can do. Wish this person well and keep looking for great relationships. You are worth it.
2614 days ago
Not being able to accept the reasons why we are they way we are and wanting to be something else can cause others to project their frustration onto others.
It's too bad that she can't accept you the way you want to be and perhaps she's just not ready to accept the realization that you don't have to stuff your kisser with every goodie in sight just to please someone else.
There are things you can do in situations like that such as take what is offered and wrap it to take with you (and I know what I'm about to say sounds wasteful and cruel) but discard it or give it to others after you leave.
In my line of work, I drive a taxi and all too often my fares like to go through the taco bell drive up window and they almost always want to order something for me. I always refuse, but some of the more drunken and resistant ones order me things anyway. I accept it then and after they get out at their destination, I usually find someone that is a homeless person in a bus stop to give it to or take it back to the dispatch office with me and offer it to them and if they don't want it, I will pitch it in the trash.
Keep your distance for now. She will contact you when she's ready.
2614 days ago
The door is open, walk through it and don't look back. You are doing the best thing you can for her, placing her in God's hands. It is obvious she has issues bigger than you. If she calls to talk make sure you hold your ground and don't allow her to make you feel guilty for making a commitment to improving your life and your health.
God Bless and be strong in the Lord!
2614 days ago
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