Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Today I was thinking about all the times I've failed at weight loss. I would lose 10 pounds and gain 20 back. I would exercise religiously for weeks and miss a day. Then I felt like I had messed everything up, so I stopped exercising at all. I would mess up a low carb diet with a cookie binge and give up completely. I can't understand why I'm programmed like this. It's all or nothing. Perfection or complete failure. I was never able to forgive my mistakes no matter how small. I have spent years on the same treadmill and the scenery is getting old.
After 39 years I'm finally learning to cut myself some slack. I will never be perfect. I will always have things about myself that I'm not crazy about. If I weren't fat then I would just pick something else out to fixate on. I think I've come to a point where I'm not as afraid to be me. There are things I can pick out about myself that I actually like. I'm learning to forgive the imperfections in myself like I can in others. Slowly I am beginning to like me, and that is a first.