OMG WHAT WAS I THINKING????
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I've got my first full marathon on May 31st in San Diego in 10 days. My nerves are starting to set in. I've been training since my half marathon in January for this race. All of a sudden I'm thinking I didn't run enough, I didn't train the right way, I shouldn't have cut back on weight training, my food isn't right....all sorts of crazy things!
Today is my last day of any lengthy miles I did 6.25 before work and will do 2-3 this evening. Then a 5K saturday to help get the legs turning then it's a couple 4 miles jogs next week and I'll probably do a short run the fri before the race...I've cut back my calories a bit this week (since not working out so much) and have planned to start inching up the carbs and fluids next wed til the race...I am following a plan...but somehow the doubts are STILL creeping in.
I KNOW I'm ready, the hotel is booked, the weekend is planned out...but these darn nerves. I want to get out and run to fight them down but that's the last thing I need is to tire out my legs. I fidget at work, am distracted when w/friends, all thoughts gravitate towards the race. I've suffered through mood swings, being so tired I can't focus, getting up at 3:30am to run all for this marathon. I was so sure I could do it...why are the doubts coming NOW????
I know when I get to that sunday morning I'll be ok but it's the getting there that's dragging by. I wish it were tomorrow and I could be done with it. The tapering on the running schedule makes me feel like I'm not doing enough even though it's exactly what I should be doing!
Yesterday I ran 3 miles and I struggled the whole run and all I was thinking was OMG WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO the race is 26.2!!! then this morning I had a solid 6.25 run at race pace and it all felt better...except I kept freaking out about the day before and the crappy run that way.
I'm just blabbering - trying to get out nervous energy...trying to convince my brain what my body knows...I'm ready...I didn't die on the 20 mile run I'm going to make the whole 26.2 miles...despite all the doubts and nerves...I know I can do this - I CAN do ANYTHING I want...I've come this far...no turning back now!