Thursday, May 21, 2009
So... my head is POUNDING.
My office assistant job... I left it peacefully about a month ago... only to have the "a little too friendly" old man I helped obsess over me, slightly stalk me, and yell at me and hang up the phone on me over the past week. Kiiind of creepy, but I'm alerting the media (not really, just friends and co-workers at the ice cream shop).
ANYWAY, through the whole fandangle this afternoon/ evening, since I got off the phone with the guy and went straight to work, I was tested. I found that my natural response to emotional stress at this point is to either want to go exercise (yay, improvement) or eat... especially ice cream in this case. Working out wasn't an option, since I had a full shift of work ahead of me, so my body/ brain/ something crazy said, "MUST EAT ICE CREAM!
I feel like I gave in somewhat (had 2 1/2 scoops of ice cream, 1 cake cone, and 1 tbsp hot fudge), and it felt a little like returning to my old ways. I did not like that feeling at all.
At the same time though, I did NOT just let myself go and eat whatever I wanted. I kept track of it, which I think says a lot. Although it was hard to enter in the food I ate this evening, I'm glad I did it. I never want to be dishonest this myself. I mean, honestly, people. That is one of the most ridiculous things I think a person can do. It only sabotages yourself.
When it's all said and done- for today- I went a couple hundred calories over, and that alone on one single day cannot have hampered my progress too terribly. I'm still pretty confident that I'll lose at least a pound this week.
You know what? I don't think I've ever failed so successfully in food before. I mean, I didn't let myself fully fall, and I pulled myself back up, pretty much in the same motion. I'm proud of myself for that.
Uh, I feel kind of like I'm not allowed to be proud of myself, for some reason. In spite of that, at least in front of an audience of me and God, I do feel good about what I have accomplished.
What a headache of a test.
But I give myself a B+.