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    RAYLINSTEPHENS   176,444
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If I offended you... I am sorry... but...

Friday, May 15, 2009

I was attacked in another person's blog because of me posting my "quit smoking" blog. It was anonymously but since I have the only Quit Smoking blog analogy it is pretty obvious I stepped on at least one set of toes.

I gather "this person" saw himself or herself and so I am to be shot and hung immediately for my opinion. Why is it I am not allowed to have my own opinion in my own blog?

People are forever foisting their opinions of my program at me and picking me apart but that is ok. I thank them all for their opinions. And yes, my family is included, I am not referring to sparkpeople members.

I walk too much, I shouldn't eat ice cream, sugary cereals are bad for me, I need to be eating my veggies raw, I should not eat meats, I eat too many carbs, I need to be using heavier weights, I am getting too thin... the list goes on.

I think anyone that is offended by my "quit smoking" blog needs to rethink their own program if my blog upset them that much that I am being attacked about my own opinion posted in my own blog. I am not asking anyone to agree with my analogy, but I don't deserve to be shot for having an opinion either.

(And actually, there are people who "only smoke on the weekends!" There are also people who only drink on the weekends. I will stand up for the rights of others but not if they are going to shoot me down over my own rights.)

There is a forum that has this very same question and it goes back and forth on having a cheat day, etc. Actually there are so many threads dealing with this as negative and positive that I am only going to try to put the link for the search
www.sparkpeople.com/mysp
ark/community_search_resul
ts.asp?site_search_term=ch
eat+day&q=2
if it doesn't work, just use search for message boards and cheat day.

www.sparkpeople.com/mysp
ark/messageboard.asp?imboa
rd=7&imparent=9583884
is entitled Hurray For Cheat Day! What did you Eat? this is what I would call a positive feedback thread.

www.sparkpeople.com/mysp
ark/messageboard.asp?imboa
rd=7&imparent=10076423
is another, only called Cheat Day?

and there is one that is soooo many pages but at the moment I cannot find it and it literally bounces back and forth with opinions.

If I offended you... I am sorry... but... I reserve the right to have my own opinion.

I have compassion for those that fall off the wagon, so please don't hate me just because I haven't. I have not faltered in adhering to my program, not even at the holidays. This is a lifestyle change for me - quitting is not an option.

I am only guilty of working into my meal plan foods that others might think of as cheat foods. I belive in free choice and I choose to form my living patterns now for the rest of my life. When I reach my goal the only thing I will need to do is add back calories daily until I find the right number for most days. I am also choosing to track daily for the rest of my life rather than regain this weight. I am too old to yo-yo anymore. And too close to a heart attack.

I will not allow others to dictate to me what I can think. I never have and I will not start now.

BTW, I have not left a negative comment knowingly on anyone's page. I have sent private messages rather than risk embarrassment to other members with a public comment. And the owner of any page is always able to remove comments he or she objects to. I won't because everyone has the right to his or her own opinions, even on my page. I only removed one comment in 14 months and it was by mistake and I apologized to the person immediately.

P.S. I do thank you profusely, MIKIIO, for telling me that as a smoker you thought my analogy was good.
Since I smoked for 10 years and know how difficult it is to quit and easy to start again, I thought it was a decent analogy myself.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LKOPACK 5/18/2009 2:57PM

    Hi Linda,
I really do not see the issue that upset people. You have a formula that works for you and that is cause to celebrate. Everyone is entitled to their opinion or at least last time I checked. Keep up your fabulous work!!!
Laura K.

emoticon

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JENNTINYSAM 5/17/2009 4:18PM

  WOW! That was a mouth full. Smoking one day a week. Really I dont smoke and if my husband could only smoke on 1 day a week I would be estatic. Ok just kidding.

If its working for you then do it and dont worry about what anyone else is telling you. This is your program and you play it how ever you want.

HUGS

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MYSHERO 5/16/2009 4:12PM

    BTW - I am now the owner of the OMRON hj 720itc. We are getting acquainted today.

Thanks for the tip. Yvette

Comment edited on: 5/16/2009 4:14:15 PM

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MYSHERO 5/16/2009 4:12PM

    Hi Linda,

You are a caring and open person who has helped so many feel encouraged and inspired. No one has the right to attack you or anyone else for writing anything they feel in a blog. The attacker is dealing with their own issues and needed someone to take it out on. I love you and am glad that you let these things roll off your back (a wonderfully thin back at that) emoticon

Love, Yvette

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SPARROW147 5/16/2009 2:42PM

    Why on Earth would someone think they can attack another person' s opinoin on THEIR OWN PAGE. That is what the blogs are for, getting things off your chest...showing alternate ways of seeing things. I hope this "person" doesn't keep you from blogging. I enjoy reading your blogs. I say poohey on them!

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SPARKPIXIE 5/16/2009 1:23PM

    I don't know you but the title of your blog here caught my eye.....I'm sorry you were attacked. A similar thing happened to me last month! I posted a blog about MYSELF and my struggle as a Christian, and as a result someone sent an email to her entire team saying that I was a horrible person, a fake Christian and that I attacked her in my blog.

Good grief! It just got out of hand!

You don't owe anyone an apology as far as I can tell. Now if you blogged about someone and used their name, that would be a different story...but its obvious that you didn't do that.

Stick to your opinions, and don't apologize to others who disagree with you. They have a right to their opinion and so do you.

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MRSAKINS2005 5/16/2009 1:00PM

    I have to pipe in here and agree with all the others. There is no need for apologies. It was something that was true for you. It was your blog. That's what our blogs are for. If someone can't handle that much. They have to believe you are being in someway vindictive to them then they should have done this so quietly. That way you could have had a change to say hey this is my blog. If you have your own issue with it please feel free to blog it in yours. Some people I know have an uneasy dispostion. I do myself at time. I would never (or at least do my best to try and never) say anything evil or mean on a blog or on a page. If I have something that needs to be said that doesn't need the world knowing, I will send it in an email and express my feeling and give the other person a chance to voice theirs. It's all opinons. However, sometimes miscontrued as it may be. There is no need for an apology. You are a Spark family member, we are here for the same purpose. TO support and get healthy. Do what feels right for you. Take the negative and turn it into a postive. I have your back now and always. Your Spark sister...Nancy

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 5/16/2009 12:47PM

    My Dear Linda,

I've bitten my tongue on this long enough.

The problem here is that someone or maybe even more than one think that you are "perfect" (Me included, LOL) but their image of perfect is being a non smoker. Just so I can keep my post short and not rant on terrible here is my short answer.

If they don't live in glass houses, then they should NOT throw stones.

My other thought is more biblical,
let him who has not sinned,
throw the first stone

They threw the first stone
YOU are therefore able to throw the second.

No apology necessary.

We love you as you are, cigarette smoking or not.

Good thing that you did not judge us on our looks, either fat, ugly or whatever shoe fits us.

Keep up ALL your good work
The only one that YOU need to satisfy is You and your Maker.

Tony

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MUGSYMOM 5/16/2009 11:09AM

    DEFINITELY no need to apologize. As the other members said, you are allowed to put ANYTHING you want in YOUR blog...that's the reason for them. Keep a chin up and never mind the bad comments. Keep up your good work!

Maryann emoticon

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_VALEO_ 5/16/2009 6:41AM

    Oh really? I can't believe someone could feel offended by your blog! Some persons are really barking up the wrong tree. Well, at least, your blogs don't leave indifferent! *trying to see the bright side*
I'm a smoker, and I found the parallel with food-addiction absolutely brillant.
Keep on writing such witty and wise blogs.
Never mind the malicious gossips, you're a tough nut and an inspiration!
Love,
Your health-nut friend! emoticon


PS: curiosity killed the cat... where is this blog? hihi

Comment edited on: 5/16/2009 11:31:40 AM

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EMMABE1 5/15/2009 11:25PM

    I thought that the idea of a blog is that we can express our own thoughts and opinions. To be attacked for doing that shows how narrow minded in the extreme people can be!!
How would this world be if we were all clones of each other - following like sheep!!
Not this little (or not so little) bunny thank you!!

emoticon
Ann

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MEADSBAY 5/15/2009 11:20PM

    Linda,
I'm not seeing any reason for you to apologize to anyone.
It is a free country and you can live your life how you see fit.
You can write whatever you want in your blog.
They can just click away!
You are absolutely one of the most important motivators, in my opinion,
and I bet, in many others as well.
Does that mean I agree with every single little thing you say?(well, 99%)
No, but I am on MY journey, not yours.
You are one of my personal heroes!
Spark on, my friend.
emoticon
GRAMMY westcott
emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/15/2009 11:21:36 PM

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JERSEYGIRL24 5/15/2009 10:23PM

    Of course you are entitled to your opinion. After all it is your blog. That is what others (possibly even you) have told me when I have expressed concern that my blog may not be pleasing to everybody. I have reread your blog and see nothing at all offensive in it. Obviously you have found your formula for success. Keep it up!

That said, I can see where smoking could be a sore point for some (which is NOT to say that you should revise your blog to keep these people happy). I once read that smoking can be the reason for diets being sabotaged. Here's the typical scenario. DH smokes, and DW is overweight. DW wants DH to quit smoking, but as long as she is overweight, he can throw that in her face if she gets on his case about smoking. If she loses weight, he loses a trump card. So therefore, he is ambivalent about her success. If she loses weight and then gets on his case to quit smoking, he has nothing to throw in her face anymore. So on some level, he doesn't really want her to lose weight because it upsets the balance of power (no pun intended). Maybe you hit a nerve with someone like that. If so, I wouldn't worry about it. If you smoke and the shoe fits...

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HUGGERS1 5/15/2009 6:54PM

    I don't think you should apologize either. Your program works AWESOME for you and through your successes I have been able to work harder myself. You are doing great. Even WW allows cheat days or extra points for that one thing you just really need that week. DON'T stress it, You are doing great, looking great, and I know that you feel better than you have felt in years. Your blog is for your personal journey and those that cannot follow your path shouldn't criticize you. Everyone has their own method and some don't work for others, but you just keep keeping on.

Have a blessed day full of joy knowing that you are making a difference in your life and those around you

hugs
Amber

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KIKIPETIE 5/15/2009 5:43PM

    Why apologize? You and anyone else has the right to express her/his own opinion/s. What ever happened to 'freedom of speech'?
You shouldn't need to apologize
HUGZ

Daisy

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MARTY19 5/15/2009 5:38PM

    I agree with you. My blog is for my opinion. I never try to offend anyone, but I am entitled to voice my opinion in my blog. If not, why bother to write them?
On occasion I have been jealous of how well you have done but I am so proud of you for sticking with your program without apologies or any deviance. You rock my friend and I applaud you!

Hugs,
Marty

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SPARKLESSENCE 5/15/2009 5:23PM

    I see blogs as opinion pieces...aren't they? I would think that our blogs would be inviolate. Keep on being you, Linda - you already know how much respect and admiration I have for your considerable achievements on Spark. They say nothing succeeds like success...and you are a marvelous success story. And you haven't cheated? Oh, don't I wish I could say that about myself! emoticon Keep on being you! - Your fan, Sara emoticon

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GRALLEN 5/15/2009 4:21PM

    Holy cow! I can't believe someone would actually attack you. You are like the nicest person I have ever met on Spark. You are corrct though. You are certainly entitled to your opinion and the blogs we post on our own pages will always reflect our own opinions. While the person who disagreed also is entitled to their own opinion, they could have been diplomatic in their comment or just not said anything at all. I have read a few blogs where I either didn't undertand the blog or disagreed, so I choose not to comment at all.

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DEBIPOGUE 5/15/2009 4:04PM

    I say AMEN to both this blog and the smoking blog. I thought it was a FANTASTIC analogy! Used it myself in talking to a friend. This IS YOUR page.. No one has to read it if they don't want to. I personally do because you have so much good advice , encouragement and wisdom. The proof is in the pudd'in....no pun intended!! LOL You just keep on being Linda..and I know I'll keep on being blessed. If only they would have signed their name you could at least have sent them back a smoke signal.....oops......that wasn't to nice...If I offended you ......I'm sorry.......but!!!!! I'm in your corner, shake it off and keep on Sparking!!!
Blessings,
Debipan> emoticon

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WONDERJANE 5/15/2009 3:46PM

    I'm sorry you were attacked for comments you made on your own page. Netiquette is tricky stuff it seems. Do what you need to do to look after yourself, those who ultimately count will respect your boundaries. And thank you for the support you have offered me. Quitting smoking is a difficult journey and like all journeys not a zero-sum game. Keep working towards your goals and you will reach them.

Comment edited on: 5/15/2009 3:48:24 PM

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MSLZZY 5/15/2009 3:42PM

    It is impossible not to offend anyone BUT personal opinions on personal pages are not fair game. I think of it like anything else-if you don't like the way I look or dress-look the other way!
If your opinion does not match mine, then we agree to disagree.
You have worked too hard to let negatives color your world. You have enough negative in your
life (selfdoubts, etc) without anyone else adding to it.
Keep your perspective and focus on what you can do and leave the rest to God! You are in control of you and there's no need to answer to them.
Have a great weekend and continue to blog as you feel. I will stop by to read and comment-hopefully in a positive, supportive way). emoticon

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ONMYWAYTOGOAL 5/15/2009 3:42PM

    Linda - I'm sorry that you were attacked by someone who obiously is unable to see past their own opinions. I've never met anyone on SP or elswhere as that is as kind and encouraging as you are. No matter what the topic, you've always provided me with support and I really appreciate it!!

I'm happy for you that you've found success at SP on your weight loss journey, and I feel fortunate to have met you on the By The Numbers team because you truly are a MOTIVATOR and friend. . emoticon --Laurie

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SLIMGRAM2 5/15/2009 3:33PM

    YOU GO GIRL! Every one is entitled to their opinion. This is a free country is it not? I have nothing but admiration for you. You are an incredible individual

emoticon emoticon

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