Friday, May 15, 2009
I am feeling sooooooo down about myself today.....not like me and I didn't think it was quite that time of the month yet, but maybe it is?!?!
I feel fat
I feel bloated
I feel old and frumpy and ugly
So all of these emotions are not helping me when it comes to the bf and texts situation
First off can I say that I am normally not at all jealous EVER
I have always been a very flirty person myself and don't mind my boyfreind being flirty with other people
I have always been secure in myself and had trust in my boyfriends (I have always been the one to end relationships)
But..... a few months ago a text came through on my boyfriends phone while he was out and it was from his ex
So of course I read it......and it was flirty ish
So I looked through his phone and found more - flirty and she is making it clear that she still likes him (would never say no apparantly)
Since then, every so often, I am now on the lookout for signs that he has done something and every so often I check his phone for texts
Whenever I think he is being particularly nice (over compensating) and I check his phone that day - there are flirty texts, so I am reading his body language right (or justifying my paranoia)
A few days ago his ex sent me a friends requst on facebook - which I have ignored and not mentioned
Now one of her friends has sent me a facebook friends request
Last night I checked the phone again (aggghhhhhhhhh am I turning into Glenn Close) and he called her on Monday and then yesterday she text saying - don't worry about not meeting me I know its hard for you, just wanted to say you're a top bloke, then they exchanged some flirty texts - nothing more than that though.
Just to clarify my bf I am talking about is the father of my two kids and we were together for 5 years, then had a 7 year time apart (my choice, no cheating involved) and now we have been back together for 2 years
So I guess as I sit here actually typing this all out onto the world wide web...
I am wondering.......
* Firstly is it ok for him to be flirting with his ex ?
* Is it ok that he still contacts her, without telling me ?
* Should I be reading the texts at all?
* Am I right to be bothered by this?
* Should I calm down and stop working myself up over flirty texts?
* Is she a bit weird adding me as a facebook friend (I have never met her)?
I have spoken to close friends about this and they agree that my boyfriend is so not the type to do anything and he is probably just having a bit of flirty fun and liking the attention from his ex - which I think it is!
But......in case you haven't gathered by now I am working myself up just slightly over this today.....I am wondering
1. Should I be asking him about this and how on earth can I do that without making it known that I AM READING HIS TEXTS!
2. Should I carry on reading texts and checking phones and looking for signs of something more going on?
3. Should I back off, leave him to the flirtations, stop reading his phone and stop snooping ?
I AM A LITTLE CONCERNED THAT I AM TURNING INTO A CRAZED PARANOID INSECURE PATHETIC JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND
and not the
CONFIDENT HAPPY SECURE FUN FLIRTATIOUS GIRLFRIEND
and all because I read his texts!
Any answers to the above questions would be greatly appreciated......especially from confident happy secure fun flirtatious people
I am now going to get myself up off the settee and make myself look as fabulous as possible and go on a shopping lunch with my Mum. I think I need some fresh air after reading back the above!