Thursday, May 07, 2009
Before I begin, I know what people say about turning 29. You're staring 30 in the face. As my father would say, it's all downhill to 50 (thanks, Dad). Almost 1/3 of the way to 90. Whatever. It's not the turning 29 that bums me out. It's all tied to the food.
Here is where this blog totally links to the point of SparkPeople. I'm plugging away at my health goals, my eating goals, my body-image goals. I'm tracking my food intake every day. I'm tracking my physical activity every day. I'm seeing results. Honestly, I'm FEELING the results.
The problem? I can't open a refrigerator, watch TV (amid any number of food-based commercials), go out to a restaurant, or get online (often to SparkPeople) to peruse recipes without thinking to myself, "This is going to put me over on calories" or "Does this give me enough protein or too much fat today?" This is probably a positive change. It shows that I'm aware of what's going in, physical activity, etc. It also feels like I will never enjoy food again.
I can't just eat any more. I can't just cook or bake any more. I couldn't go out to dinner for my birthday without feeling immensely guilty, KNOWING I would go over on calories and fat intake today. I want to be able to relax about the food I eat, not to excess, but enough to where I don't feel anxiety. It's frustrating. Extremely frustrating. And I'm afraid that my frustration will be counterproductive. Sigh.