Thursday, May 07, 2009
My eldest teen is home from university. she is just passing through tho on her way for a friends weekend shopping in a neighbouring city.
She is a cheerleader for a CFL football team and telling me about all the things she has done with them, and all of the things she will be doing with them over the season.
She also cheers for her university and did lots of travelling throughout the year for her sport. She is a flyer, she is one of the tiny girls at the top being tossed around and doing flips.
She was practicing her signature to make it simple and quick as the cheerleaders calender is coming out soon and she will be needing to sign her month page on the ones she sells.
As I sat beside her listening to her tell, and watching her face change with the stories and excitement of her journey, I became quiet inside. My mind staying with her and my body staying with her, as my imagination travelled to my 19th year, my journey through those years was so different than hers...not worse or better just completely different.
I am almost 41, my time seems to have been so fleetingly fast, my tiny daughters now women, walking through the life they have decided was going to be right for them. My toddlers, exploring the new things and every new word little Michael says, everytime quiet, solitary Monica laughs, my heart grabbing and squeezing my insides with... I 'm not sure what it is.
I reconsider my plans for weight loss, and fitness, and looking sexy,
Why not just be fat? Why not just focus on my family,my adult children, my toddlers, my silver fox and build a life for us that does not include me spending time worrying about weight? obsessing over how I look?
I think I have a very nice look about my fat body, soft, round, thick, happy.
It may be past time for me to be the sexy one, time for my tiny daughters, now women to be the sexy ones, time for me to consider things in life, health and love that are not surrounded by the need to be something that I am not.