I gave Up.
Saturday, May 02, 2009
The nagging fear took hold and I chose the destructive behaviors that formerly fed my anxiety and depression. I have not honored my body and I have ravaged my soul with self loathing thoughts. Maintaining my weight has felt like a white knuckle ride into a brick wall. I've gained I don't know how much weight but I have a pretty good idea by the way my clothes fit. Today was my first day on SP since the middle of April. Today I will log my food and water and will begin crawling out of this pit one hand and knee at a time. So much shame. So much wasted time. What is wrong with me? Even at my healthiest weight I still feel like I'm not good enough. Will perseverance win out. By not giving up will someday I accept of myself? What is it going to take?
I reset my goals and weighed in. I even did measurements. One knee and hand at a time...