I met my doctor (female) and the intern (male) in the exam room and instantly told them that I did not want to perform the pap at that moment and instead wanted to go over my reasons, concerns, risk and get more information before setting a later date to do the exam. The intern put me on edge. Everything I said was followed by eye rolling, walking in a circle in places, grunting, sighing out loud and scuffing (little laughs?) at all my questions, reasons, and such. I instantly became defensive after about the first 5 minutes.

We compared my risk of getting the pap done at this time vs getting it done later and what would happen if anything should occur from either one. From my stand point, it would have been best to get it done at 32 weeks or even after I gave birth because in their worse case, they still would not treat me until after the baby was born. From the hospitals stand point, even though they can’t/won’t treat me until after birth, they would just like to know before hand for “our peace of mind”. For me, this wasn’t enough to convince me to go ahead with the pap at that time. I agreed to getting a pelvic exam to test for STD’s and infection and stated that I would want another one done later on before birth.

Apparently this wasn’t enough for them. She left with the intern, came back and informed me that from the “Hospitals and staffs view” my refusal to get a pap would be documented and noted and from where they stand they feel that I do not care for myself or my current children and now worry if I take my prenatal care seriously. I was informed that refusing the pap and any other routines, procedures and treatments would be noted and that it’s also marked as a concern for not only my health but the health of my unborn baby and they are now worried if I’m capable of “harming” my children. They added in something about not believing that I would be returning for prenatal care and medical care for myself and my children and that it would be “neglect”.

I simply smiled and said that I understood that my refusal to do a pap would result in such a thing and was prepared for it but I would still not be getting my pap done at that moment and then continued on with my other concerns/questions.

I left not upset. It was a typical visit at this place and I was use to it. I was happy to have handled it so well, to not cry or have an attack. But, once I got home things changed. I wrote it all out and realized that they were mocking me, using scare tatics, threats, mental and emotional abuse to get me to go their way and I went for it. (I signed up to have the pap done at 24 weeks instead of later on and I also got blood work done.)

I don’t want to fight but I don’t want to be bullied and threatened (and have my family threatened) because my beliefs don’t fit theirs and their hospital policy. They told me I could go else where but would have to pay out of pocket which I can't afford at all and have already tried to do.

My Dh is sooo pissed about the whole mess and me, I’m just trying to cope with it all so that I don’t fall back into full PTSD. Last night I was up with nothing but nightmares of what happened last time and I don’t want to deal with that or anything else again. All of this because I choose not to get a pap that day and wanted to wait.

*sigh*