Friday, April 10, 2009
I am tired. I am physically tired. I am working out hard - burning 6,000 calories per week. I am focusing on my nutrition - eating well into my caloric range, even though I am not hungry. I know I need to eat to keep my metabolism up. On days when I feel strong enough to push harder, I usually regret it - being unable to sleep, almost too tired to exercise the next day and so on.
I am sick of working so hard, and seeing no progress. Today I am ready to throw in the towel. In fact, I decided to just give up for a day - a kind of break from working so hard. I spent almost 2 hours trying to decide what I wanted to eat today. I have given myself permission to eat ANYTHING. Now this is a real kicker. I DON`T WANT TO EAT ANY OF THAT SAME OLD CRAP I USED TO ENJOY. It no longer appeals to me.
I have not felt deprived over the past month. I have not been having cravings at all. When I want something, I work it into my diet for the day. Even doing this, I have sometimes been having trouble eating my minimum calories. My Carbs/Fats/Protien ratios have all been alright.
This sucks so much.
I know I should feel happy. Here I am giving myself permission to just stop for today, and I am finding out my eating habits have changed so much, that I do not really want to go back. I am just so frustrated. I have been working so hard, and I am ready to give up.
Actually, I know I won't give up. I am going into the Avon Curves Heath study on Monday. I figure I will give it one more month. If after these additional changes I still am not progressing, I may re-evaluate this whole mess.
I know my diet changes are for the better. I also know my fitness is improving, and will continue to do so. I am just so sick of not seeing any changes in my weight or how I look. I know that is supposed to be icing on the cake, but without the icing, I just don't even want any cake today.