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Thursday, April 09, 2009

I am really feeling pretty good about the changes I have made this week.

I have gone OVER my calorie range for the past 3 days - I know this because I still track every morsel of food that I put into my mouth and I have done this for almost 3 years.

I am still walking on the treadmill, but NOT striving to go faster or at a higher elevation any longer. I keep tracking the exercising, though, just like I have for almost 3 years.

I have STOPPED most of the message boards that I was on. Since positive reinforcement and support from other people has not helped me lose weight, there's no point in staying connected any longer. How can I dare preach to others when I cannot show any weight loss progress to them?

In short, I am not really on a weight loss program any more-- since I cannot lose any weight, now my "program" fits my lifestyle.

Isn't it one of life's great mysteries that you can somehow get yourself all excited about losing weight, get yourself on a serious program of healthy eating, exercise, and water drinking, and then not lose any weight FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. I mean, how much more striving can you do with absolutely nothing to show for it?

I have all the statistics to prove that I have been drinking 10-14 glasses of water for the past 3 years. I have been eating healthy for the past 3 years. I have 14,500 minutes of exercised logged. So if all of this is not working, it is time to stop trying to lose weight. It is just not going to happen.

I must get rid of the few pieces of smaller clothes that I bought last year, though. I was an idiot to ever think that I could lose down just one size in a year! Maybe I would have in a perfect world, but my world is sure not perfect.

I am still trying to get my head around the fact that I am never going to be any smaller than I am right now. Maybe eventually I will come to accept this.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SJG1953
    Martha, my heart broke when I read your blog. I can see why you are so down on yourself. But, if you stop what you are doing right and set no limits, you still won't lose but rather you will begin to gain and be less healthy.

    You have been such a good friend to me and I do feel connected to you dear. You are such a special person. I'm not giving up on you and God's not giving up on you. We will love you no matter what decisions you make. If you do quit on yourself and later decide that you want to try again, please don't forget us and come back. I wish I was wiser and could solve the problem but I can't. Only God knows the answer. Please call out to Him. He WON'T let you down, Martha.

    I love you as a dear sister in Christ and I want you to know that you are in my prayers. May God richly bless you and keep you in the palm of His hand. Your friend, Shirley
    3239 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/9/2009 8:05:41 PM
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