Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Okay, so the last couple of days haven't been to good at all. I guess it started when I went to El Paso. I got into the idea of just grabbing whatever to eat. Although the 2 days I was there I think I ate maybe 4 times. But things ae not any better.
I feel like giving up, and it's not because I wasn't seeing results, I am. But I just can't find the time to take care of me. I haven't been to the gym in well over a week because I was out of town and then I was sick. I would love to get back, but am still coughing and don't want to aggrevate anything.
It has also been a hard time emotionally for me. First and foremost the illness of my grandmother and then to add to it just the everyday roller coaster I experience.
I started to feel better, and I started to see where the weight was coming off. I was happy, now all of a sudden I don't want to do anything anymore. But on the other hand I don't want to put the weight back on I want it to continue coming off.
I don't know what to do right now. I feel so disgusted with myself again that I am almost convinced I don't need to be eating. I have mandarin oranges here for lunch, and was hoping that I would be fine with that but am nauseatingly hungry even after eating 4 French Toast sticks from Sonic.
Have I sabotaged myself and defeated all my purpose?