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    ANTIGEN   9,183
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Hard on myself

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Lately, I hate myself. I'm mad at myself. My self-image is complete crap. I can't figure out for the life of me why my fiance actually enjoys touching me, because I can barely stand to look at myself. And I get mad - mad that I'm fat, mad that I'm lazy, mad that I can't wear all the clothes in my closet, and mad that I can't seem to change that anger into movement of any kind. Sometimes I can channel it into housework, but that's it.

Why am I sitting here at the computer instead of doing crunches? Because I don't want to do crunches. Crunches suck.

I guess it doesn't help that it's PMS time, ha! But really, I can't get myself to *want* to do anything. At least I'm filling in my nutrition logs again, which I guess is better than nothing.

How the hell do all you perky motivated you-can-do-it people manage it? The drugs I'm on are NOT good enough!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANTIGEN 4/7/2009 10:30PM

    Thanks for the encouragement, you guys.

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ZJESTIKA 4/6/2009 9:46PM

    Crunches do suck. My advice: forget about crunches. I started to do them a while back then I did a little reading about crunches and learned that they may firm the ab muscles but you won't see that definition until you have little to no tummy fat at all. I have strong ab muscles from running and using the elliptical and when I flex it's hard- under my tummy fat.

Maybe get some 3 pound weights that you can lift while you read stuff on the computer. I'm sure you'll see improvement in upper arm definition. Or do something that gets your adrenaline flowing a bit like put on a fun song and dance for a few minutes.

And as far as your fiance... my fiance said the same things about my body when I was 80 pounds heavier that he does now. I didn't believe him then but I do now. But it wasn't any less true then, I just agree with him now that I've learned to love my body. Don't fight his love of your body. You have to take his words and actions at face value. When he touches you it's because he really does want to and like to.

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SOHOJOSE 4/6/2009 8:46PM

    OK, so crunches do suck. Big time. I know that I do feel a little better after doing them though.

I also know that I do my best crunches when I need to work out some aggression or zone out or to give my brain a rest from thinking. It can be good therapy if you're receptive. Venting can be good therapy too so your time at the computer isn't entirely wasted.

I can't say I'm a can do it type of person but I can say exercise/keeping a food diary/etc is a bit like housework. It's not fun or glamours and can be tedious but getting it done does make me feel a little better.

As to your fiancee, well, I think he wouldn't be a good fiancee if he didn't enjoy being with you - regardless of what you look/feel like.

jose

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WINKIE314 4/5/2009 1:38PM

    Your fiance does enjoy touching you - and he's not an idiot or crazy, right? So, there must be something there that pleases him. Look for something about you that pleases you, and focus on that.

This may sound like hooey, and trust me when I say I doubted it would work - but self-talk is really important. Instead of beating yourself up about the things you don't do or the things you don't like, praise yourself for the things you do and the things you like. Feel good that you are doing your nutrition logs - that's better than most people on the planet are doing! If you hate doing crunches, try something else; housework burns calories too! Inertia is powerful; I find that if I can do some exercise before butt meets couch for the evening, I'm much better off.

Hang in there, we're all pulling for you!




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MOLLIEMAC 4/5/2009 1:35PM

    I concur with the crunches- BAH! Sounds like you need to find an exercise activity that you really enjoy, maybe something with a team component where you have lots of cheerleaders to keep you on track. Do you and your guy share an activity like cycling or running?
A lot of us have been in a nasty winter funk here- I have found that setting just one weekly goal for myself is helping turn it around. Of course sunshine and warmth help too! Keep at it, just don't try to do it all at once- we're here to cheer you on...MJ emoticon

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IVYLASS 4/5/2009 11:28AM

    What worked for me was seeing the results. Motivation is a wonderful vicious cycle...the more you find something that works, the more you want to keep doing it!

If you're on medication there may be other factors affecting your "oopmf." Try doing it even when you don't feel like it. I guarantee you that you will feel better once you're done.

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