Sunday, March 22, 2009
How sad. It's been almost 2 years since I've last even come here. And look - that last entry I wrote is exactly how I am now. I believe I've even gained weight since that last post - I certainly haven't lost any. And I'm still feeling like I have no drive or direction.
I have made a few changes in the (nearly) two years since I've been away. I've certainly come to some realizations about myself. Right now, though, I believe 'm ready to do something. I'm still looking for that drive and determination, but I've gotten to the point where I know I don't want tobe like THIS anymore, and maybe that's really all I need.
I've had "measuring up" issues lately. My business has taken off like nothing else - and in these hard economic times, that's a blessing. But with that has come the realizations I mentioned earlier. I still don't take time out for myself, and I work too hard. I have gotten better though.
So I'm starting anew. I'm setting small, tiny goals for myself. My biggest issue is to focus on those small, little goals. All too often, I look at the big picture, compare my failings to it, and believe I'll never accomplish anything I want to because it's all so overwhelming. I need to stop doing that. This past week, I've tried, and for the most part, I succeeded. I set my iCal to remind me at certain intervals throughout the day to get up and go for a 15-minute walk. 3 times a day, all last week, I did it. I walked for a total of 45 minutes (at 3 miles an hour) every day last week - except for Friday. Friday, I allowed myself to get overwhelmed with stuff, and I didn't walk. I ignored it. And by Friday evening, I felt like crap - a feeling that has carried through the entire weekend. I missed Friday - so I feel like I'm a failure. I don't understand where that comes from. I did really well all week - but because I missed one day, I want to quit, and I ask myself "what's the point?"
it's such a lame attitude to have.
So I'm pulling myself up again, and I'll start again in the morning. Eat breakfast (which I skipped BOTH breakfast and lunch Friday - not on purpose either), and do my walking. If I can't find that motivation to make me 8want* to get moving and do this, then maybe just treating it as part of my job will. *I* am my own job. I should want to succeed at it.