Dear fake newscaster boyfriends:

Friday, March 13, 2009

First, know that I just adore you both. I think you're cute and brilliant and incredibly damn funny. You're also fun to hang out with, and you have a great group of friends. I've thoroughly enjoyed our nightly rendezvous from 11pm to 12am.

But they're really messing with my morning plans. Specifically, my weekday morning workout plans. I'm just not as young as I used to be, and I need my sleep. It's nearly impossible for me to stay up until midnight every night and get up by 5:30am to be at 6am spin class (as is evident from my absence from spin class the past few months). This just won't do any more--you see, I have a half Ironman to train for. It's only 18 weeks away. I need those morning hours.

Which means, as painful as this is to say: I'm breaking up with you, Jon Stewart. And yes, I'm breaking up with you, too, Stephen Colbert. It's not you, it's me. I need to be selfish and put myself first. I'm sure your ratings will be fine without me. And don't worry, I'll see you around in occasional reruns and maybe even online.

Take care of yourselves!

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    I think you broke their hearts, but it had to be done.
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