Thirty six years!! That's how long I've been married. It goes by in a blink. We've done a lot in those years. Completed college educations for ourselves. Had three babies, educated them through college, though one is still making his way through. Gained the world's best son-in-law five years ago, and will gain the worlds best daughter-in-law, this July. We've traveled overseas, and throughout much of the US. We've built two houses ourselves, doing the majority of the labor. And in these late middle years Wes is five years into a new business that has the potential of PHENOMENAL success. Very weird! And Very cool!
I was lucky enough to be able to provide a private apartment in my own home for my Mom to live in the last three years of her life. She was healthy and mobile, driving her own car to the grocery store and book store until a few months before she died at ninety-one. I miss her strong Spiritual Consciousness.
Wes's parents are both living independently in their own home in Florida and have been married a zillion years. (Its actually about sixty-eight years, but amazing, nonetheless). So Wes and I are just middle of the roaders in this marriage thing.
I recently attended a shower for an adorable young woman who will be married in May. As is often done, a booklet was passed among the guests for them to record any "secrets" they had for a happy marriage. The thing is, there are no secrets to a happy or long marriage. Happiness is an emotion that is completely dependent on one's individual inclinations. If I like plenty of time to myself, to be happy, you may need someone right there with you, to feel that same contentment. But we all know how to be polite, considerate, non-judgemental, tolerant. Your spouse didn't drop from the sky into your life. You know what he, or she likes, and what they don't like. Act accordingly. Like I do.
Okay, I don't do it. At least not as much as I should. But there is something to be said for hanging in there. And just what is that, which is to be said? Personal Growth. I hope. At least that's what I'm claiming. Personal growth and long interconnected memories that go back to when I was barely an adult, so clueless, so hopeful, cute, and dumb in many ways. And here I am thirty six years later, still hopeful, not as clueless, not as cute, not as dumb in those ways (maybe dumb in new and different ways) hanging in there with an intelligent, hard working, self confident, bull-dozer of a man who goes after what he wants and lots of times----gets it. I don't have any secrets on how to stay married for many years. Except---don't get divorced. But then again, I've only been married thirty six years....Check back in another thirty.
(I love you, Wes)