Sunday, March 08, 2009
I need to write down how I'm feeling right now, because whenever I overeat I always tell myself to remember how I'm feeling the next time this type of situation arises -- and yet I seem to magically forget when the crucial moment comes. So maybe actually writing it down will help.
Today was my sister's birthday and I had a lot of cake. I want to be able to have just one piece, enjoy it, and move on with my life. But so far I've never been successful at this. I licked every single bowl and jar clean while we were making it, had one and a half slices at dinner, and then proceeded to compulsively pick at it while I was putting away. I knew I'd be having cake so I tried to eat on the lighter side during the day (still eating every few hours, but eating less) to compensate. I just don't think I'm one of those people who can do that. My body gets so hungry during the day and it's not like it knows I'm banking my calories for that night. It doesn't care. It wants energy pronto, or it feels crappy. And then goes nuts when it seems something like cake.
I think it's important to budget your calories so you don't go over and gain weight. But I don't seem to be able to do this. Which means either I go over, or I can never have special occasions that happen at night. And you know what? Life has special occasions. I need to be able to make them work.
This week has been terrible though, even without special occasions. My mom made brownies twice in four days, and I ate about half the pan of both. She also bought some pound cake, which I ate half of in one day, and I don't even like pound cake that much! What is wrong with me?
I don't want to gain weight back. If anything I'd like to become more fit, tone up, and maybe knock some more fat off. I know this rationally, but this doesn't seem to stop me from sabotaging myself.
I know I can't give up sweets completely, like some people advise if you want to get rid of the cravings. It simply doesn't work for me, and I go nuts when I finally have some sweets in front of me. So I need to figure out something else that works for me.
Hopefully this blog will help. I can look back at it and remember: Don't give in!! It's almost more satisfying to know you have willpower!